Untold Story: The Daily Life in Chaldea
by Axel yamamoto
Summary: One would think having a lot of Servants at your command is a good thing, well Ritsuka Fujimaru beg to differ. From heroes to tyrants, myths to legends, Ritsuka life's filled with comedic and ecchi situations one would deemed worthy of a Harem Protagonist! Follow the shenanigans these Heroes do inside of Chaldea befitting the last hope of mankind! Crack fic!
1. Dragon Awakening

**A crack story dedicated to the Fate/GO movie that came out. I really love it, even though it's a bit short for my taste. Caster!Cu is awesome!**

 **This is a 'what if' story when the MC, Ritsuka Fujimaru, summoned a lot of servants and they hang around in Chaldea. When you gathered so many Servants in one place, you'll get chaos and comedy no matter where you go.**

 **Anyway, you need to at least played Fate/GO to have a grasp wth is going on. Just saying.**

 **Welp, Enjoy! Also, anyone want to be friends with me in Fate/GO? I'm lonely.**

 **DISCLAIMER! I OWN NOTHING!**

 **XXX**

 **Untold Story: The Daily Life in Chaldea**

 **XXX**

Ritsuka Fujimaru is perhaps the last hope that mankind has for survival. No, it's a FACT that he is the last hope of mankind for survival. He and everybody in Chaldea knew that. That's why, even being a commoner of no renown and little to no training in the art of combat or magic, Ritsuka tries his best to be a proper Master and Magus so he can save the world from certain doom.

Yet even against so much trial and crisis, the time traveling veteran still can't handle this one _tiny_ problem that kept surfacing.

"WAAAAAHHH!"

Like now, for example.

Ritsuka jumped away from his bed to stare at the female form groaning on _his_ bed, clearly awake from his manly scream. "Wha-wha-what are you doing here, Kiyohime?!"

 _Kiyohime_ slowly sit up from her sleeping position as the blanket covering her slowly slant down and reveal her _naked_ form to Ritsuka, who, out of instinct, cover his eyes in the most utmost haste. Kiyohime herself is a beautiful girl with long light green hair, a pair of white bone-like horns on either side of her head and a pair of alluring golden eyes. "My love, what is the matter?" She asked while rubbing her eyes. "And why are you covering your eyes?"

"W-Why are you naked?!"

"Why?" She tilted her head in confusion, "Is it not a Bride's rights to sleep without clothes next to their Husband?"

Of course that's the logic she's using. Kiyohime, as per her declaration, is a _Servant that fights for love_ , and again as per her declaration Ritsuka, her Master, is the reincarnation of her old lover Anchin and by that logic he is her husband and/or lover. Now while he didn't really see much of a problem with it at first, the fact that she's really delusional and dangerous means that she can and probably will kill him if he say or do something she deemed as wrong. For example: Trying to kill her fellow Servants just because they've talked to him a 'bit too close'.

It took a while before she calmed down from that 'overly possessive' phase, but she still maintains some of it and it didn't change the fact that she's really, REALLY dangerous, command seal or not. The fact she's a dragon also don't make it any better.

"L-Listen Kiyohime barging in my room without permission is not allowed and—"

Several knocks on the door of Ritsuka's room interrupted him. "Little Puppy, you awake? Breakfast's ready. Mashu asked me to wake you up." The knocks gets louder, "Are you awake or not?! I'm coming in!"

 _Oh god not her!_ "Elizabeth wait-!"

The door slide open and revealed a beautiful, pink hair loli with a pair of bone-like horns on her head, her black gothic outfit revealed a _bit too much_ of her upper non-developed body and a single black tail can be seen swaying left to right behind her, coming out of her large black puffy skirt. "Oh so you're awake—" She stopped. Her blue eyes stare at the naked form of Kiyohime lying on the bed. "… Y-YOOUUUUU!" She suddenly snarled and glare at both Ritsuka and the female Servant. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING?! YOU PERVERT!"

Kiyohime return he glare with one of hate, "Ara, is it wrong for a Husband and Wife to do their duty? You're interrupting, so please leave."

The rebuttal seems to only make Elizabeth angrier. "YOU LAND LIZARD HUSSY! SHE'S NOT YOUR HUSBAND!" Prana and killing intent burst out of her body.

"Hm." Kiyohime stood up on the bed and proudly showed her _creamywhitesoftskin_ to the occupants of the room. "I will destroy you, pathetic dragon, for your transgression upon our love nest." With a blind flash a blue kimono suddenly materialized on her body. "Prepare to be destroyed."

"YOU'RE the one who's going to be destroyed, lizard!"

Ritsuka, befitting of a Master of many and veteran of multiple Holy Grail Wars, begin to defuse the situation. "Wait please both of you calm down! I can explain—"

" _ **I will exterminate all of the liars who ran from me**_ —"

 _Oh no!_

" _ **I'll let you hear the greatest hit of the Servant World!**_ "

"Please don't use your Noble Phantasm here!" Ritsuka is now panicking. "I'll die!"

" _ **Tenshin, Kasyou Zanmai!"**_

" _ **Báthory Erzsébet!"**_

"AAAAAHHHHH!"

A mighty explosion erupted inside Chaldea that shook the entire foundation. All the occupants that felt it look around expecting an attack, but then realized it's probably another one of Ritsuka's Servants shenanigans and went back to what they're doing.

Yeah, they're used to it by now.

 **XXX**

"I am impressed that you survived that, Master."

Ritsuka sighed in dismay at his situation. "I was thinking I was going to die, too." He can't feel anything from his body, "Thank you for saving me, Medusa." Then he blush a bit, "And, well, for carrying me."

Medusa is an alluring woman with long, purple hair; an hourglass figure that will make all normal male paused and a revealing, black tight dress that doesn't hide her figure. "It is no problem, Master." Her voice is calm and matured; clearly not bothered by the male she's carrying piggy back style. "It is a Servant duty to save their Master from danger." Although her eyes are covered by a black cloth Ritsuka knew she's looking at him with a teasing glance. "However, the next time I have to save you from angry Servants you _must_ allow me to carry you bridal style."

"What?! WHY?!"

"Why not?" Her face and voice showed no hint of emotion, but the Master just _knew_ she's secretly smirking. "It is more efficient."

"No it's not! And it's embarrassing!" He's still has a pride as male, damn it!

"Ah, but are you not already like a Princess? Always being saved by others. Or perhaps a Harem King? I wouldn't mind calling you 'Your Majesty' and serving you every night."

Ritsuka face turned red instantly at what Medusa's implying. "N-No! Don't call me that!" He can't imagine what the other would look at him if she starts to call him that! Or even Mashu's expression!

"Then do you prefer 'Daddy'? Dr. Roman told me some men prefer to be called that."

"NO!"

 **XXX**

As they step into the bustling cafeteria all conversation stopped as they stare at an injured Ritsuka being piggy back by Medusa. All eyes held different emotions at the new arrival, some looked worried, some looked surprised, some looked amused and other looked jealous.

"S-Senpai?!" A voice suddenly echoes through the now silent establishment as a blur of purple stopped next to the due. "Are you okay?! What happened?!"

The black hair Chaldea Master looked at the owner of the voice, staring at a beautiful girl with short, purple hair and wearing an outfit that suspiciously resembles a school uniform. "I'm fine, Mashu. Just… A bit of a scuffle."

Mashu Kyrielight is the owner of the title of 'Kouhai', and the resident Demi-Servant. "A scuffle? With who? And where's Elizabeth? I've sent her to get you."

"Our Master was caught between a pair of Noble Phantasm from Kiyohime and Elizabeth." Medusa suddenly said, which made Ritsuka flinched. "I was passing by when it happened. They're both currently are tied up with my chains in his room. Oh and it need another repair." She added.

Hearing that, most of the occupants went back to their food and continue whatever it is their doing. As mentioned before, most of them, especially the Servants are used to this kind of thing.

It's the curse of a Harem Protagonist and the Master of quirky Servants.

"Muahahaha!" A haughty voice belonging to a man with golden hair and flamboyant clothing's roared through the room. "You can't even control your harem, boy? And you dare care yourself my Master? You have a lot to learn! Here, I'll show you!" He walked to a beautiful, yet handsome blond hair girl wearing a white blouse and blue skirt. "Saber! No, Artoria! Undress and bend over!"

Artoria Pendragon, the mighty King Arthur, choke on her food at the declaration of the order. She then death glare the flamboyant man and _wishing_ he was dead. "No." Was her answered to the order.

"No? I am the King of Heroes! You can't say no to me—" He was interrupted when a bowl of rice suddenly hit him directly on his face, courtesy of Artoria.

It was a cue for disaster. "FOOOOOOD FIIIIGHT!" Someone from the crowd yelled out as the Servants and some Chaldea employees started to chucks food and utensil everywhere as if abiding to the declaration.

It's chaotic, it's uncontrollable; it's… the everyday life in Chaldea.

Ritsuko, still being carried by Medusa, cries as his 'horse' starts to maneuvers to evade projectile in the form of food.

 _Why did this happen to me…?_

It took a pissed off Emiya, who is the chef that prepared most of the food, Jeanne D' Arc, as the 'de vacto' leader of the Servants, Hercules, as per the request of Ritsuko, and Altera, as per her duty to destroy 'bad civilizations that ruined her breakfast time', that peace reign once more in Chaldea cafeteria.

For now.

 **FIN?**

 **It's short, but I really like it. What do you guys think? Should I continue it? Leave it on the review section! Cause it feed my ego!**

 **And if you have any request for, like, MC X SOMEONE then please put it on the review. I might be kind and do it.**

 **CIAOU!**

 **Chaldea/Dr. Roman Master Profile (Incomplete):**

 **1\. Ritsuka Fujimaru, the Harem Master of Servants.**

 **-Class: Harem Protagonist**

 **-Servants: A lot**

 **-Looks: Handsome/cute (According to several testimonies)**

 **-Personality: Kind**

 **-Luck: ? (E-A++)**

 **-Endurance: Soldier Level (Thanks to his experience running around in the missions), can be improve to a lot more if several conditions are met.**

 **Noble Phantasm:**

 **-The Kind Smile of a Harem Master (EX): Once activated, almost all female and even some male servants are affected with [Pure] Charm that will make their heart go 'Doki-Doki'. Not even Altered Servants are safe.**

 **-The Dumb Luck of a Harem Master (EX) (Passive): This skill allowed a Harem Master to survive any life threatening situation made by one of their harem/potential harem members.**

 **-The Density of a Harem Protagonist (A++) (Passive): This skill made the Harem Master to be dense as all hell against subtle sexual/romantic advances.**


	2. Boys Night In

**Hey guys! What's up? I can't believe that this story is populated by fans, lol. Considering I made it out of a whim.**

 **Anyway, I thought of this chapter when I was having my 'call of nature' in the toilet and personified by a reviewer. So I'm thinking why the hell not? But then I regret it as I made this monstrosity, haha.**

 **For the people that want Jeanne, you'll get it in the next chapter! I'm surprised a lot of people want her. She's really popular.**

 **Welp without further ado let's begin!**

 **P.S: Bad grammar ahead.**

 **P.S.S: I hope you guys like it.**

 **P.S.S.S: Astolfo.**

 **XXX**

 **Untold Story: The Daily Life in Chaldea**

 **Boys Night In**

 **XXX**

"So why are you guys in my room again?"

Nine pair of eyes stares at the owner of the now stuffy room of a certain sole Master and final hope of humanity. All nine of them are distinguishably different from one another, yet there's one thing that unite most of them into one category: Most of them are males.

"Come on, Ritsuka. Didn't I tell you that we'll be having a 'Boys only night'?" Romani Archaman, the head medical staff and the current leader of the Grand Order project, said. "It's been awhile since we boys got together to do gentlemanly talk. I mean, with the current large amount of female Servants population I'm sure that there are _something_ that we can only say to fellow males, right?"

Ritsuka Fujimaru blinked in confusion, "But didn't you say its next week?"

"Pfft, don't sweat the small stuff, Ritsuka." Roman waved him off and take another bite off of a strawberry shortcake he'd prepared.

"No that's not really a small stuff…"

The room itself is not small per-se, but when housing so many people it become a bit stuffy. All of them are sitting on a circle in the middle of the room with snacks and drinks stationed in the middle of the circle.

"I agree with the doctor on this one, Master." Cu Chulainn joined in while sipping a can of beer. "Don't stress out unimportant stuff and just enjoy it!"

"I admit," Iskandar the Conqueror, or at least the younger version of him, pitched in also while eating a bag of chips. "This is the first time I'm together with so many respectable heroes at a 'Boys only night'. I'm a bit excited!"

Cu grinned at the confession, "See? Even Iskandar's excited! I'm sure the other are too, right?"

"No, not really." With a scowl on his face Zhuge Liang, or also known as El-Melloi made his displeasure known.

"Then why the hell are you here?"

"Iskandar dragged me here."

"Oh so you're his boy toy now?"

"Please don't start this shit again, Cu Chulainn. You DON'T want me to bring up the question of your sexuality."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?! I'M NOT GAY!"

"Yet you kept screaming 'Gay Buldge' every time you fight."

"IT'S GAE BOLG! IT'S MY NOBLE PHANTASM SO OF COURSE I HAVE TO SAY IT OUTLOUD!"

"Yeah, sure. Whatever fit your style, Cu."

"You son of a—"

"He has a point, Lancer." Emiya, the proclaimed honorary chef of Chaldea, who's been sitting quietly joined in with a cocky smirk. "I'm not surprised if people start to question your preference."

"You shut the fu—"

Ritsuka sighed as they, once again, fought with each other again. It's not even ten minute and they're at each other throat. "I guess this is what you get for bringing so many Servants in one room…"

"Fou!"

"Hm?" The sole Master looked down to see a white, squirrel like creature staring at him. "Fou? They roped you in as well?" The creature usually sleeps with Mashu or sometime other female Servants like Jeanne or Artoria, so this is rare for him to join in a large crowd like this.

"Fou! Fou!" The creature leaped toward Ritsuka lap and begin nestling itself there. "Fou."

The black hair young man smile and rub the creature head gently. "So you're worried about me? Thank you Fou."

"Fou!"

"Sure, I'll give you some nuts later." He looked to his left and saw a large, black skin Servant with a lot of golden piercings. "They dragged you here too, Darius?" He asked the Berserker class servant.

The Prince of Persia respond is to grunt, "Hrrrngh."

"Oh, you're here because Iskandar's here?"

"Hrngh. Hm."

"I see. So since you're his eternal rival you're here to make sure you can beat him?'

"Hrnghh."

"I see."

The argument was stopped when Ritsuka started a conversation with the BERSERKER Darius III; all eyes are now staring at the weird interaction as the Master seems to understand the weird grunts Darius are saying as substitute for words like its afternoon chat.

"Ano ne!" A hand shot to the air to demand all attention of everyone in the room. "I'm actually pretty new at this kind of thing too. So what exactly are we doing?" The voice is cute and chirpy, hinting that the owner is a girl. As all eyes snapped toward the source in fear of infiltration, they're met with a beautiful face of a hero with pink hair that has sexually confused a lot of people, especially males.

Cu was the first to speak, "What are you doing here Astolfo?"

Astolfo of the Twelve Paladins of Charlemagne looked at the Lancer in confusion. "What do you mean what I'm doing here? I'm a male, you know!" Astolfo puffed her—his chest proudly, also showing off her short pink pajamas that _clearly_ not made for male.

Cu looked like he was reminded of a something of great important. "Oh riiiiight. Yeah, I almost forgot about that." Him and almost everyone in the room.

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Hmm… Astolfo raised a good point though." The young Conqueror said. "What exactly people _do_ in event like this?" Iskandar asked, "Is it like a tea party perchance? But at night?"

It was time like this that Dr. Roman quickly take the stage, "Why, my dear Heroic Spirit, what else is there to talk about when men are gathered than _girls_?" He grinned mischievously, "With our many stock of beautiful and pretty ladies I'm sure there's one or two girls one of you're interested in."

Iskandar leaned forward, clearly interested. "You mean it's like sharing secrets?"

"That's right! But as part of the bro-code we must _never_ spread this secret."

"I see. So it's like a Brotherhood pact?"

"Exactly!"

"Wait wait wait!" El Melloi stood up from his position, clearly not agreeing with the idea. "I did not agree to this—"

"Oh! Oh! Let me go first!" Astolfo interrupted while jumping on her sitting position. "Please let me go first! Please please please please!"

"Don't interrupt me—"

"Okay sure, we can start with you." Romani looked around the room, "Everyone have no problem with this, right?"

"Yes! Yes I do!"

Roman ignored the Caster, "Okay then! Go, Astolfo!"

The cute male smile brightly and quickly stood up from her—his sitting position. "Well then, let me tell you the girl that has mesmerized me ever since I was summoned!" For some reason she did a twirl and a bunch of sparkly effect materialize around her, "Her beauty had made me paused my breathing and her charisma melted my heart! Never have I seen such perfect being before me! She is Nero Claudius! The fifth emperor of Rome!"

Everybody stare at the beautiful male in surprised at her choice. Out of all the girls in Chaldea she's interested in Nero Claudius? Of course she's very beautiful and indeed her charisma made her more charming, but it's just _surprising_ Astolfo picked her instead of a handsomer female Servant like Artoria.

Perhaps the fact he looked like a girl played a great factor on everyone's expectation?

"I see!" Iskandar suddenly stood up from his sitting position with his eyes sparkles in emotion. "I understand how you feel, Astolfo, for I, too, was mesmerized by the fifth emperor of Rome!"

Now that took everyone by surprised. "Iskandar…" Astolfo said while staring at the Conqueror.

"Indeed. Staring at her is like staring at a beautiful red rose that shine brightly. Although it is embarrassing to admit, her charm had mesmerized me." He walked toward his fellow Rider and grab his hand, "That's why be proud, Astolfo! For you are not alone in this endeavor!"

"Iskandar!"

Everyone sweat drop as the two Riders stared at each other like they've just found their long lost Brother. "W-Well…" Roman coughed, "How about you D'Eon? You've been silent all this time—" He paused, then his eyes widened. "D'EON?! What are you doing here?!"

Ritsuka looked at the famous Knight of France that's been sitting there next to Astolfo all this time wearing a white, girly PJ. He—she—they? Looked really awkward and clearly don't want to be here. How he, as their Master, didn't realize they're there is even more surprising. While he quite enjoy the Knight company and don't mind them being here, the fact that they have questionable gender of either male or female made it questionable if they're supposed to be here. The young Master had tried a few times asking D'Eon gender but every time there's always _something_ weird stopping him from finding out.

"Ah, please don't mind me." The ambiguous gender knight said with a small awkward smile, "I-I'm just here to keep Astolfo company."

"… Um, I guess we can do that…" He looked to the next person in line, "Mr. El-Mole, you're next."

"It's El-Melloi! And I do not wish to take part in this activity." He puffed out another smoke from his cigarette, "I also don't find the enjoyment of finding out everyone's love life and—"

"Come on, Mr. Zhuge!" Astolfo once again interrupted, leaping toward the personification of the famous tactician and began to harass him by grabbing his collar and shaking him. "Join in the fun and stop being a stick in the mud!"

"That's right Zhuge Liang." Iskandar joined in and stare disappointedly at the Caster. "This is the time of merry making, a time of trust and male bonding. How can you break our trust just like that?"

"Yeah Mr. Mole! What he said!"

"I-It's El-Melloi! Fine I'll join in so stop shaking me!" As per his request the Rider let him go. The man sighed in defeat, clearly annoyed at himself how easily he gave up. "… It's Ushiwakamaru."

Ushiwakamaru, or also known as Japan most famous commander, Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune, who history clouded to be a man.

"… BAHAHAHAHAHA!" Cu burst out loud while holding his stomach. "So the mighty strategist is a lolicon?! HAHAHAHA!"

"I am NOT a lolicon! Just because her body is like that doesn't mean she's a loli! You don't have to like someone from their body! Ushiwakamaru is a brilliant woman and—"

"HAHAHAHA! Sure whatever you say, you pedo."

"You…"

"Heh, unlike you who have a fetish for the mind, I personally prefer the busty ones." With pride as high as the mountain Cu declared. "Like Boudica, Nero, Saint Martha, Master Scathach, Jeanne, Orion, and even Mashu… Girls with bodies like them are what REAL men want." He nodded his head sagely, ignoring the look of disgust from both El-Melloi and Emiya. "Females with breasts and butts! With curves! Those, my friends, are what define _real_ women."

 _He sounded like a perverted old man._ Was the thought of the other males in the room.

"Well, as much as I want to agree with you, Cu Chulainn, I can't do that." Dr. Roman face turned serious, like a warlord that's preparing to go to war. It is something that everyone in Chaldea almost never seen. "I, as the biggest fan of Marie Antoinette must disagree with your philosophy!" A burst of unknown Prana filled the room, surprising everyone.

"Wh-What is this power?!" Iskandar asked while covering his face from the sudden surge of prana.

"I-It's over 9000!" El-Melloi, too, despite being a Caster was caught off guard.

It was Cu that realized what sort of power this is. "T-This is a power that surge from one desire and love for an idol that they knew they will never date! The power of fanboy!"

"SHE DOESN'T HAVE THE CURVES, YET HER BEAUTY AND VOICE MATCH ALL OTHER!" Roman eyes turned white with power. "VIVA LA FRAAANCE! MARIE!"

"FOU, FOU FOU!"

"No, Fou! Don't fou-ll to the darkside!"

Yet as abrupt as it appeared, the power disappear as quickly as it come. "So that's who I like." Roman said with a smile, returning back to his normal, pathetic self. "You're next, Emiya."

Emiya, as the primary chef and perhaps the more respected male Servant among the male ranks, sighed. "I guess I should get this over with…" Ritsuka could see a look of regret on his face, probably from coming here. "… I like Artoria."

That… Actually doesn't really surprise anyone in the room that much. Almost all the occupants in Chaldea can see the tension in the air between the two, hell even Emiya would sometime privately cook for the King of Knights, or put extras on her plate. Artoria, too, would go mellower whenever she's talking with him. Boudica, the Queen of Ancient Britannia, and also the self-proclaimed big sister of Artoria, shipped them so much she sometime asked Ritsuka to bring them along to get them closer.

"So… You like DILF?"

All eyes turned toward Cu who said it. "What?" Emiya looked at the Lancer like he'd gone insane, "Artoria is a girl."

"I know that. But isn't she, like, the _Father_ of Mordred?" Cu titled his head with a smirk. "So doesn't that make her a… Dilf?"

…

…

…

The strangely logical question made everyone think. Although Artoria is indeed a girl, she is also the father of her daughter Mordred, who also kept calling her 'Father'. So while the King of Knight is a girl, the word 'Dilf' would fit her perfectly.

Damn.

It was Roman who breaks the silence. "Listen, no matter what happened, even if you love Dilf, I will still respect you as a male."

"I don't want to get that from you of all people…"

Roman ignored him. "So who do you like, Ritsuka?"

"Fou! Fou!"

"Oh right. Your first huh Fou?" Roman scratches his cheek with a sheepish smile, "So who do you like, Fou?"

"Fou!"

"Mashu." Ritsuka translated.

Figure. "So now that Fou's out of the way, _who_ do you like, Ritsuka Fujimaru?" Roman smile turned into a full blown grin. "And don't lie to us now."

All attention now focused solely on the sole Master of Chaldea, each one curious to hear what he had to say. Even Darius, the Berserker, is paying full attention.

"Well…" Ritsuka scratches his face with a small smile, "Saying a single name to classified the meaning of beautiful doesn't exactly convey my feeling." Everyone blinks at his words, "I know that this probably sound stupid but… I think that everyone in Chaldea is beautiful. Mashu's determination, Jeanne kindness, Artoria courage, Marie's dream, and I can go on and on about it. Everything is beautiful in its own right, and every time I seen it I always fell in love again and again. I never felt like this back when I was just a civilian living his life. I was always alone." Then he showed them a truly, stunning smile that stunned everyone in the room. "That's why I can't help it but fell in love whenever someone showed me their beauty." His smile is like a light that enveloped them, driving away the darkness.

Ritsuka Fujimaru concept of 'Beauty' is abstract, yet can be understood. To him, a normal human being, all the Heroic Spirits have their own beauty to show the world. They don't have to have beautiful face or ingenious mind; whatever traits they have that made them 'Hero' from the inside is what he understood as 'Beauty'.

…

…

… " **WE ARE NOT WORTHY!"** Iskandar, Roman, Fou, and Darius bowed their head to Ritsuka as if he's some sort of pimp god.

"E-Eh?!"

"MY EYES!" Cu screamed out while rolling around on the ground while covering his eyes. "IT BURN! OH GOD THE PURE INNOCENT"

"S-Such honesty…" El-Melloi covered his face with his hand. "Even my Magic Resistance is…"

"Are… You guys okay?"

"M-Master…" Astolfo moaned out, his hand began rubbing around his body in a sensual way. "Ah… I… I can't…" He moaned out.

"Huh?"

"M-MASTEEEER!"

"AAAAHH! ASTOLFO WHAT ARE YOU—GAH! THAT'S MY PANTS! STOP! AAAH!"

"USE ME NOW, MASTER!"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!"

"So this is what a Harem Protagonist can do…" Emiya said while rubbing his chin, observing Astolfo molesting their Master. "It is… Very impressive." As an ex-harem protagonist and an ex-eroge protagonist, he has some resistance to Ritsuka Noble Phantasm. But then he spotted something on the corner of his eyes. "… Not even D'Eon can resist it, huh?" He said while watching D'Eon shivering on the corner as if holding something inside of them, their face red and blood running down their nose.

Ritsuka Fujimaru Noble Phantasm is truly terrifying.

 **XXX**

Unknown to the males, the female's population is also having their own 'Girls Night'. The Cafeteria tables are set aside to create space in the middle of the room, where most of the Servant girls are gathering around. In the center is a large crystal orb, courtesy of Medea, that shows the 'Boys Night' meeting in Ritsuka's room like a television.

It's basically a spying orb.

They do this, of course, by tapping into the vision and hearing of the agent they've sent. Indeed, having someone with an ambiguous gender is really a miracle.

The night went on smoothly with different emotions as each male declare who they 'like' among the female Servants. They'll giggle, yelled, and even fangirling among each other whenever one of them are chosen. Artoria, who against her will was brought here, was perhaps the largest among all reaction.

At least until it reach Ritsuka.

When he began speaking his view of 'beauty' all of them are on the edge of their seats, but then when he flashed them his most stunning smile (Noble Phantasm), all hell break loose.

Literally.

"Do not get in my way, Jeanne D'Arc! It's my duty as a Saint to shower our Master with the love he need! Please do not make me punch you!"

"Please get ahold of yourself Saint Martha! You'll only make the situation worse!"

"Do not stand in my way, Medusa. Our Master needs my love."

"As much as I want to join you, Medea, our Master needs his sleep and as his loyal Servant I shall give him that."

"Please move aside, Artoria! As my little sister you must understand that our Master needs pampering and love!"

"Boudica please calm down!"

"You land lizard hussy!"

"You idol failure personified!"

"Do not stand in my way, Mashu. My student needs my counseling."

"M-Master Scathach please stop! Senpai need his rest!"

Marie Antoinette observed the chaos with a smile on her face. "Ara, everyone is so energetic." She giggles and took a sip from her cup.

It took several Noble Phantasms and one pissed off Altera who was 'kept awake by the bad civilizations' that the chaos died down somewhat. But the kitchen need another repair and the kitchen need to be restock.

But truly, it's just another day in Chaldea.

 **FIN?**

 **Now remember! More review made me more hyped to write the next chapter! And if you have some ideas or some pairing you want feel free to leave it in the review. I'll try my best to satisfy.**

 **The Boys position: From Ritsuka position on top of the circle as checkpoint, starting from the left: Darius, Astolfo, D'Eon, Iskandar, Zhuge, Cu, Roman, Emiya, and Fou (who then jump on Ritsuka's lap).**

 **Axel Yamamoto Dandy Note:**

 **-Dilf/DILF: It's the shortened for 'Daddy I love to fuck', a direct opposite of Milf.**


	3. The Hundred Hours Cook War

**Here it is! It's not my most proud Jeanne chapter, but I try my best! If everyone keep asking for her then I'll make another one. Maybe add a sexy scene or two.**

 **Anyway, enjoy!**

 **P.S: GRAMMAR ALERT!**

 **P.S.S: … I got nothing.**

 **XXX**

 **Untold Story: The Daily Life in Chaldea**

 **The Hundred Hours Cook War**

 **XXX**

Jeanne Alter is the dark reincarnation of the Holy Maiden Jeanne D'Arc, the enemy of 'God', and the scourge of mankind. She is someone that installs fear and brought upon despair to the world.

At least that's what Gilles keep telling her.

But when she was first summoned by that damn Master of hers, instead of cowering in fear or dark awe he _smiled_ at her. _Smiled_! What kind of reaction was that!? He was supposed to be worshipping her like she's some kind of dark deity! Not… Not smiling cutely like that!

No, not cute. She meant disgusting. Yes. There's no way she find her Master smile cute in any way at all.

His cute smile aside, today Jeanne Alter will torture her Master and embarrass him in front of the other Servants. To fulfill her machination she had acquired a certain powder from Gilles that'll make their stupid Master libido reach its limit! He'll have an uncontrollable urge for 24 hour to mate with any females in his line of sight! That way, the other Servants would look at him with disgust for a long time!

Yes, her plan is truly perfect!

And so she skips herself toward the cafeteria where most Servants and Staff Members are having breakfast and mingling with each other like pathetic humans. Arriving at the door she barged in through with a large grin.

"Master—" She stopped, her mouth agape at the sight before her.

It's her Master, sitting on a table while being spoon feed a strawberry shortcake by her holy counterpart, Jeanne D' Arc. He made a stupid expression on his face while munching on the _disgusting_ thing while the damn Maiden seems to be enjoying herself watching him. It made her irk watching the scene, it made her want to unleash her spear and create chaos, it made her… Made her…

It made her want to beat up that stupid smile from her holy counterpart!

"Hm? Oh, Joan! How are you?" Ritsuka finally noticed the Avenger standing by the door.

Joan. It was a name that Ritsuka Fujimaru gave to her because it keeps confusing people to call her 'Jeanne' and a bit annoying to keep adding the 'Alter' part. It's an insult to her, the 'Dragon Witch', to be called a 'pet name' by her Master like she's some sort of pet or something! It… it infuriate her!

… But since her Master already spent some brain power coming up with that name, she supposed she can humor him by responding to the name.

"You seem to be… Enjoying yourself, Master." Jeanne Alter, or Joan, said while gritting her teeth.

Ritsuka blink, "Huh? Oh yeah. Jeanne made this delicious cake! You want some?"

Joan eye twitch, her irritation slowly rising pass the boiling point. How dare he offer her some of that pathetic Holy Maiden creation!

The said Holy Maiden also joined in the conversation, offering her a kind smile. "Here, you can have some too if you want. Say 'Aaah." She offers a spoon to her Alter counterpart, who scowls at the kind gesture.

"I don't need your kindness, Holy Maiden!" She storm off, leaving the table toward the place where you can get your meal. How dare that Holy slut brag in front of her! So what if she can create delicious cake?! She can do it too! She'll show her and the Master that she, Joan D' Arc, can create delicious food as well!

And so, with her original plan forgotten, she concocts another plan to defeat her counterpart in front of their Master.

 **XXX**

Shirou Emiya, or also known as Archer Emiya in Chaldea, is a pretty tough Servant in his own right and had seen a lot of crap in his life. He'd been through a war and even ended some, seen genocide and stopped some of them. Truly, he can almost boast that he'd seen enough crap that almost anything didn't faze him as much anymore.

But today… Today is different.

"So uh…" Emiya struggle slightly, once again checking the toughness of the chain that's tied around him. "Why did you kidnap me again?" He looks up toward his kidnapper, who stood defiantly above him.

Emiya was walking down the empty hallway of Chaldea while pondering what to cook tomorrow when suddenly Jeanne Alter just appeared out of nowhere, beat him up, tied this weirdly strong chain and began dragging him to the kitchen.

"I need you to assist me in b-b-baking a cake." Her face is slightly flustered, yet her eyes remained determined.

…

…

… "Wait, I'm sorry but you beat me up, tied me with this chain, and kidnap me because you want to learn how to _bake_?!" He'd been through a lot of crap, but this one take the cake of one of the oddest one.

Pun clearly intended.

Joan face went redder, "Yeah! You got a problem with that?!"

Emiya narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "… And why did you want to learn baking?"

She flinched, and her eyes grew sharper as she continue to glares at the Archer. "I-It's none of your business!"

… Yup, it's clear from how she act she want to make a cake for, if he has to guess, their Master, Ritsuka Fujimura. She's just being a tsundere about it, like Rin. Taking a deep breath, Emiya let out a loud sighed, silently asking how did he of all people got roped into the problem of Rituska's Harem member? "Alright fine, but you need to follow _all_ of my instruction, got it?"

"What!? Are you telling me that I must follow _your_ order?!"

"Well do you want to learn or not?"

"… Fine. But if you order something stupid I'll skewer you."

Emiya roll his eyes, "Yeah, yeah, not get me out of this chain. Where did you even get it?"

"I borrowed it from Medusa."

Oh of course. Only that BDSM obsessed Servant would have a chain like this.

 **15 Minute Later…**

"No! You can't add that to the dough!"

"Eh? Why not? I heard people love foie gras. It's quite a delicacy, I hear."

"Not on cakes! Never on cakes!"

 **35 Minute Later…**

"Don't add that much baking soda! You'll ruin the cake!"

"Eh? But I want it to be large!"

"It'll ruin it!"

 **1 Hour 20 Minute Later…**

"Dragon Tooth does _not_ make for a good cake ingredient!"

"Eeeeh? Why?"

"It'll ruin the taste."

"What about Dragon Heart?"

"It's the same thing! And do you want to make our Master like Siegfried?!"

 **3 Hour 10 Minute Later…**

"It's done! My first cake!"

Emiya sighed and rest his head on a nearby table filled with messy ingredients and dirty utensils. "Congrats…" He muttered tiredly. Despite being a Servant he never knew that teaching someone with inept skill in cooking was harder than fighting Gilgamesh.

And it's just a simple cheesecake. If it's something more complicated then he might as well just kill himself and save the trouble.

"With this I'm going to show to that Holy Maiden that I can also bake!" Joan laughs evilly. "The Master heart is mine—Uh, I mean he will see me in dark awe and forget about that Holy Hussy!"

Emiya sighed again. _Tsundere is so tiring to handle…_

"Alright, now to deliver this to Master—"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Emiya quickly stopped her, "It's 3 in the morning. I doubt he's awake right now."

… "Damn it, you're right, Archer of Red. Then we need to capture Gilgamesh so we can borrow his Gate of Babylon. Surely this cake taste and texture will be retain inside there until our Master's awake."

"You… Do know we can use the fridge, right?"

"Eh?! B-But wont the taste change?!"

"It won't."

"… I dunno… Maybe we should grab Gilgamesh just in case the fridge's broken…"

"…"

 **XXX**

Jeanne D' Arc is a Saint, the Holy Maiden that never fell into the temptation of darkness. She is proud by this fact, and seeks to maintain it despite becoming a Servant. That's why despite having to deal with a lot of quirky Servants she remained one of the most patience Servant.

But the sight before her starts to bring out something she did not wish to feel.

"Wow! This cheesecake taste really good, Joan!" Ritsuka compliment while munching on the yellow, delicious looking cake.

Of course Master." The Alter Servant smile flintily, "It was made just for _you_." Then she glanced toward the entrance where she spotted her counterpart. "Oh hello there Jeanne. Do you wish to have a taste?" She offer a plate of the cake to her with a smug and mocking smile.

Yesterday when Joan stormed off she felt slightly bad for ruining her mood, whatever her mistake maybe. But now? Now when she so blatantly declare a full fledge war for their Master affection? Oh no, no more Mrs. Nice Saint. Just like France, she will take the war back to the aggressor.

And so she made a plan.

 **XXX**

"I need your help to bake a cake for our Master."

Marie and D'Eon looked at each other while Emiya slam his face to the kitchen table, groaning at his E rank luck.

"But Jeanne, you know how to bake cake. Why ask for our help?" Marie asked out of pure curiosity.

"I wish to make something special for our Master, and it requires more than a pair set of hands to make this." She grab a cook book and show it to them, "I wish to make _Napoleons mille-feuilles_."

The decleration surprised the three occupants in the room. "The thousand layer cake?!" Emiya looked at the Ruler class like she'd gone insane, his face hardened like that of a veteran of war. But in this case a veteran of chef that had created a thousand foods. "That's a high goal you wish, Jeanne. It will take a lot out of all of us, so are you sure you're going to do this?" At Jeanne intense nod of her head, Emiya stood up. "Then we should start now. We also need to make the vanilla-chocolate glaze."

D'Eon raised his… her? Hand. "I can do that!"

"Good. Then let's begin." Taking a deep breath, Emiya steel himself on this challenge. _I am the bone of my food…_

 **XXX**

The cycle continues as both Jeanne's tries to overturn one another by baking more and more desert for Ritsuka. It gone so much out of control that they practically began shoving cake after cake to the Master mouth.

It ended with the Master staying in the Medical Ward a few days for excessive sugar intake.

While the war ended (for now) for the two Servants, their struggle in the kitchen of Chaldea was pass down as legend among the rumor mill of future Chaldea.

They called it… The Hundred Hours Cake War.

 **FIN? … But there's more!**

 **This part was inspired by a review by kyugan, so if you like it you can thank him/her.**

It's a peaceful day in Chaldea for once. The cafeteria runs normally, with no Harem member fighting to the death for Ritsuka's affection, or a raging berserker suddenly destroying everything because they didn't get their breakfast pudding.

Truly, for Emiya today is a good day.

*Jiiiiiiiii*

At least it would be if not for the fact that someone is staring at him intently.

Emiya looked up from his food to see a beautiful, yet tomboyish looking girl staring at him intently. She's Mordred, the 'son' of Artoria Pendragon, and also the Knight of Betrayal that cause her to die and her Kingdom to fall. His relationship with her is… cordial, at best. She don't really like him all that much, and his sassy and sarcastic nature pissed her off even more for some reason. But the food he made refrain her from actually brandishing her sword and try her luck to take his head.

Or it could be the fact that their Master and Artoria will not be amused when they start killing each other that stayed her blade. Either is fine for the Archer, really.

"What?" He decided to ask.

Mordred hummed, her eyes staring directly at him. "… You're good at cooking, not bad to look at, and look really good on an apron…" She muttered more to herself than the confused Archer. "Father seems to like you too… And you don't mind cooking for her…"

… Emiya didn't know where this is going, especially so with the statement that he looks good on an apron. But when Mordred face lights up as if a revelation hit her, his Eye of the Mind alert him that whatever going to come out of her mouth is a danger to his health.

"Are you my new Mother?!"

Emiya choking sound echoes through the full cafeteria.

 **FIN**

 **What do you guys think? Not bad eh? Leave a review to tell me about it! Also, do you guys want me to try a lemon scene? If so, who do you want it to be with? I'll try my best to help. Tell me on the review! Or PM me or something.**

 **Also if some characters are OOC it's because I don't know them well enough to write a perfect character. So do apology.**

 **If you guys have any idea, don't hesitate to submit it via Review or PM! Or want to add me in F/GO USA then ask away!**


	4. Lily of Betrayal

**Hey guys how are you? Here's the next chapter from yours truly. Sadly it isn't really as good as I thought it'll be, but it can't be help. I'm sick right now, and I can't work at 100%. I apologize for the disappointing chapter.**

 **Also regarding lemon, some people actually don't want lemon in this story. So I might do a separate series? Who knows.**

 **Oh and apparently a new archive made for F/GO was made by FFN. So do you guys think I should move this? Vote in the review.**

 **Thank you all for the great support though! I can't believe this fic have such a great fanbase considering how short it is.**

 **My user ID if anyone want to add me in F/GO USA: 413,058,988**

 **I'll accept anyone. Even if you don't have many good Servants :')**

 **Anyway without further ado enjoy!**

 **XXX**

 **Lily of Betrayal**

 **XXX**

Mordred is not girly no matter where you're looking at her, and she herself knew that. She's what the modern time called a 'tomboy', a female that act like male. Really, she didn't know who made the classification on how a female should act and why they need some 'term' to labeled them. To her and her Father, gender is meaningless and matter very little.

But that's now what important right now.

Mordred burst into the cafeteria that as usual if filled with activity. Servants and Chaldea Staffs mingling with one another to enjoy the food serve by their designated cooks. She looks around the tables, her eyes scanning each occupant like an eagle searching for a fitting prey.

There.

She fast walks toward a table with a certain Servant perfect for her problem. There are three occupants on the table, chatting away whatever topic it is they're talking about. It matter not for Mordred. They all paused when Mordred arrived and stop next to the table, her eyes steel with determination and her hands clench into a ball.

 _This is it Mordred. You're here, so you can't back out now. Show the courage of the Heir of Camelot!_

Mordred take a deep breath and steel her beating heart.

"Astolfo! Please, make me your student!" She bows her head, her body shaking with emotion.

The beautiful girl—Er, male blinks in confusion at the abrupt request. "Eh?"

 **XXX**

"So you want to be my student because you want to be more feminine?"

Mordred nods her head, her eyes shines with determination. "That's right!"

They're currently standing in a pink room filled with cute dolls of all size and shape, from teddy bears to a weirdly shaped Panda called 'Pan-San' and other, fluff fulfilling accessories. It's by all logic is a very girly room. Yet this room housed two of the most sexually confusing servants in all of Chaldea, Astolfo and D'Eon. While the later gender is really questionable, it was Astolfo that designed the room until it turns like it was right now.

The Paladin of Charlemagne scratches his cheek, "Well I mean I don't mind but… Why me?"

The Knight of Betrayal looked down to the floor, pondering how she should answer the question, "Truth to be told, I always thought of you as the most feminine in both acts and looks. No matter what fashion you wear it always looks really good on you." She looked up toward the pink hair Rider, "You are the cutest servant that I know that I can hold a conversation with!"

Meaning Astolfo can actually keep up with Mordred more… emotional responses.

"Iyaaan… Miss Mordred you're going to make me blush." Astolfo cup his face with his hands and blush, apparently taking what Mordred said as a compliment. "Alright then! I, Astolfo of Charlemagne, shall assist you in your quest!"

"Trully?!"

Astolfo nods his head and folded his hands, "Indeed! But if I may ask why do you want to be more girly all of a sudden?"

Mordred flinched. Then slowly she looks away, her face red. "… ter…"

"Eh?"

"… ess… ter…"

"I'm sorry but I can't hear—"

"I… I want to impress our Master!"

Astolfo stares at the blushing, shaking maiden before him. Her face is so red that one would thought it'll explode. Her eyes are closed, her hands clench into a ball and her body shakes with clear embarrassment from that mere words alone. The innocent words of a maiden that wish only to impress and earn a compliment or two and maybe a path in the head from someone they care about.

It was...

IT WAS SO CUTE!

"KYAAAH MORDRED! YOU'RE SO CUTE!"

"Ah!? S-Sir Astolfo?!"

"Don't you worry! I'll doll you up so good our Master can't take his eyes off of you! But first we're going to need back up!"

"Huh?!"

 **XXX**

"—that's why we're asking for your help, Miss Marie, D'Eon, will you two help us?"

"Oh, uh sure."

"That's a silly question dear. OF COURSE I'll help! Oh my this is getting exciting!" A glimpse of unknown emotions is bubbling inside Marie Antoinette eyes as she stares at Mordred. "Don't you worry dear, we'll make you look _very_ beautiful."

"Oh… Uh… Thank you?" Mordred is now beginning to be unsure of her decision. The eyes of her new Master in the art of feminine and Marie is beginning to scare her. And is D'Eon staring at her with pity? Why?

Later on Mordred realized there's a world that one could say far harsher than the world of Knights. One could say enduring the training to be a proper lady is as harsh as a soldier training.

 **XXX**

 **Time Skip**

Artoria Pendragon is enjoying her breakfast in peace. It's morning time in Chaldea, and none of the Servants cause any shenanigans yet. Even Gilgamesh, in all of his asshole personality, has yet to make a move to annoy her today. Shirou—Er, EMIYA is sitting across of her to keep her company, and Lancelot is yet to come screaming her name.

This is a good morning.

Oh and her Daughter who likes to bother her didn't do so for a few days now. She's honestly is getting worried. Worried that Mordred is planning something to make chaos in Chaldea or assassinating her. Again.

She needs to be prepared.

Yet as she ponders what kind of evil plan her Daughter is planning she didn't realize that most of the loud sound of conversation in the Cafeteria had stopped, now replaced with whispers. Nor did she notice her companion looking behind her with wide eyes and then was choked with his food.

"G-Good morning, Father."

Artoria flinched at the voice. It was a familiar voice for her, one that she had heard before she died. Slowly she looks behind her with her guard up and ready for anything Mordred is planning.

But she didn't expect _this_.

Her Daughter is wearing a beautiful white dress that one would see in old 17th century French, showing her skin around the upper chest that tease hint of her breast and also showing her white milky shoulder and neck. Her blond hair that usually tied into a ponytail is now free, letting the world appreciate her charming blond hair.

Even with such old attire even she has to admit how regal she is. It's like… Like seeing a beautiful princess from fairy tale.

"Mor… dred?"

Princess Mordred, now dub as Mordred Lily, twitch her lips a bit. Her expression is one of those regal smiles, but if one would look closer they can see how awkward she is. "Yes Father?"

Artoria only stares; her brain went into a black screen trying to process the sight before her.

"Oh! Mordred is that you?!"

All attention quickly went to the Master of many Servants, Ritsuka Fujimaru walking toward the group with a large innocent smile on his face.

The Knight of Betrayal heart beats louder with every step her Master take to get to her. Her face slowly became red, and her lips begin to dry. _You need to calm down Mordred! All that training with Master Astolfo, Maria and D'Eon will go to waste otherwise! Gather your courage!_ With a deep breath, Mordred gather whatever willpower she has, turn to face her Master, show a proper smile that Maria always use and actually greet Ritsuka like a proper noble lady.

"M-Master, good morning. I hope you have a good rest." She could see Marie, Astolfo, and D'Eon giving her thumbs up from one of the table. _Everyone, thank you!_

"Good morning, Mordred." Ritsuka smile at her, a smile that has captivated so much hearts. "Are you trying out a new outfit?"

"Y-Yes, that's right. Do you think it fit me, Master?"

Ritsuka look at her outfit from top to bottom while humming. "… Of course! You look really beautiful, Mordred." **Activating The Kind Smile of a Harem Master!**

 _You're beautiful…_

 _Beautiful…_

 _Beautiful…_

 _You look really beautiful, Mordred._

 **It's super effective!**

"AAAAAAAHHHH!" Her heart can't take it, Mordred summon her blade and smack Ritsuka away with enough force to make him fly. Then she quickly ran out of the room, still screaming and her face is red as a tomato.

"Master?!" Artoria was snapped out of the shock and quickly went to check on her Master, who survived only thanks to his EX passive skill. "Are you alright?! Speak to me Master!"

"We should have prepared her more of Master smile, Miss Marie." Astolfo said while rubbing his chin, "Mordred defense against his smile is still E rank."

Marie sighed dejectedly, "I know… It is our failure as her Master."

D'Eon sweatdrop at their two companions, "U-Um… Shouldn't someone go after Mordred? Or look at our Master? He doesn't look fine at all…"

 **FIN? … But there's more!**

 **B & B**

"Archer of Red, tell me, what is Bird and Bees?"

EMIYA choke on his drink. He cough and smack his chest several time to recover, and when he does he slowly move his gaze toward the one that have the gall to actually ask that question outright.

Jeanne Alter, or what their Master call Joan D' Arc, is staring at him with an honest question in her eyes.

"You… Actually don't know what bird and bees is?" Is she serious? There's no way she won't know what it is.

Joan shook her head, "I don't know. I tried asking Gilles but he didn't want to answer me despite my insistent. Then I tried asking that obnoxious and disgusting Saint but she instead have this weird expression on her face and insist on calling her 'Big Sis'." She sighed, "I don't know what's gotten into her. I tried asking several other but they either don't want to answer or wave me off to someone else."

EMIYA couldn't exactly blame them himself.

"I would've asked our Master, but then I'll look like a fool if I don't know what this… terminology mean."

 _Curse my E rank luck!_ "Have you tried asking Mashu? I'm sure she—"

"She also didn't know."

 _Of course she didn't._ "Then what about—"

EMIYA spent five minutes naming almost all the Servants that might now and brave enough to tell her about the Bird and Bees. But apparently she'd asked most of them already, and they either run away, refrain from answering, answered with grunts (Darius and Heracles), or just yelled out ARTHUUUR (Lancelor).

Basically he's like the last choice. Damn it.

"I will have my answer today, one way or another." Joan said with conviction in her eyes, "I will kidnap and torture you if I have to."

Shit. Of course she would have enough with everyone not answering her during _his_ turn. Now, he can try to run, but he doubt with Chaldea limited space he can escape far before the Anti-Saint catch up to him. He can try getting to their Master, but he doubt he can use him as cover forever (and it'll be creepy if he keep following him around). And he can just try to explain it and get it over with so he can go back to whatever it is he's doing in peace.

… "Fine. I'll teach you about Bird and Bees."

"Really?!" Joan looked surprised and please. "Finally! Someone who will teach me Bird and Bees!"

All conversation in the cafeteria stop. All eyes are looking toward the spot where EMIYA and Joan are conversing. Of course, the Dark Saint didn't notice, but EMIYA notice all the stares directed at him.

His eye twitched, and he restrained himself from committing seppuku to just end everything right here and now. Oh god his reputation…

"Ho… So you're teaching her about Bird and Bees, hm?"

EMIYA heard a chilling voice behind him, one filled with killing intent. _Oh god…_ "Listen Artoria I can explain—"

"No need." Artoria put her plate of food on the table, and then one burst of prana later she adorn her battle armor. "Prepare to die, Shirou." She summons her golden sword of promised victory.

"NO WAIT—"

"DIE YOU EX-EROGE PROTAGONIST!"

That morning, the cafeteria once again needs another repair.

 **FIN**

 **I hope you guys like it. Next chapter will involve a lot of 'Big Sister' type Servants, so look forward to it! And maybe I'll make some Gender Bender chapter everyone wanted so much lol.**

 **Just hope my sickness is cure by then.**

 **My user ID if anyone wants to add me in F/GO USA: 413,058,988**

 **Have a nice day guys!**


	5. Picnic Shenanigans

**Wow! This story is really popular! It reached 100 reviews! Thank you everyone!**

 **Also thank you for the friend requests! I got so many of them, haha. Unfortunately F/GO limit your friends so I can't accept all of you. So for those who haven't yet been accepted please wait! I'll accept as soon as I get more spots. I have, like, 43 friends full right now and there's 12 more.**

 **Anyway, here's the next chapter. It's… not as good as I expect it to be, but I hope you guys enjoy it!**

 **If you have any requests or Ideas please don't hesitate to review or PM it. If it's interesting enough I might make a story/chapter out of it.**

 **Also, rate up is a lie! And F you Kotomine and your black keys!**

 **XXX**

 **Picnic Shenanigans**

 **XXX**

Ritsuka Fujimura didn't know how it happened. Well, he actually _does_ know how and why it happened; it just didn't really make much sense to him.

Earlier, the Servants in Chaldea has an idea to go and have some relaxation time so Ritsuka (as a human) won't have a complete physical and mental breakdown from going on so much mission and catering to so many Servants. Even though the last Hope of Mankind said that he doesn't need any resting time, the more intimate Servants (The Big Sister and Motherly type) insisted that at least having some R&R would be good for him, because the last thing they need is for Ritsuka to be sick or Prana depraved or something.

It didn't take long for them to convinced Mashu, who, in turn become really pushy and managed to make her Master gave in and agreed to the idea.

She can be really hard headed if Ritsuka is involved.

And so after much discussion, death threats, spell slinging, Jeanne death glares, and a loud howl of 'ARTHUUUUUR' from a certain Berserker, they've finally decided on a simple and peaceful picnic on the British Isle.

Which came to another problem: Who'll go with Ritsuka?

So after hours of long discussion (which include a lot of properties and room destruction) they've decided on a straw poll to see who'll go with the Master. It took some time for them to design a magical, anti-cheating straw poll system with a lot of magical mechanism to prevent some Servants to cheat.

One ray shift later, they've arrived at their destination with full picnic gears.

Boudica, the busty great queen of old Britannia became their guide. She guided them to a place next to a beautiful river, with nature all around untouched by the hands of man. Truly, the sight was so beautiful even Ritsuka himself was mesmerized.

However it didn't take long for seed of conflict to be planted.

You see, Boudica, as the self-proclaimed 'Big Sister of Chaldea', decided to do her usual ritual whenever she and Ritsuka goes into a peaceful place perfect for a picnic.

"Master, here, lie down on my laps." Boudica said with her kind and beautiful smile while patting her comfy looking laps. "I haven't pampered you in a while."

Ritsuka blushed at the implication. Of course, Boudica is a sisterly type who will pamper anyone she deemed to be her cute younger sibling, especially the heroes of Britannia (and yes even Artoria). It's not the first time they'd done it, he'd felt that wonderfully _comfy and soft_ laps on his heads several time before, and as red blooded male he must say that the feeling is very… Delightful. He would've say no, but as usual the determine expression on Boudica's face she won't take a 'no' as an answer.

He would've allowed himself to be pampered by the Queen if not for their other companions having a say in this.

"Nonsense!" Saint Martha, one of the Dragon Slayers of Legend and one of the lucky Servants to pick the right straw, takes the same sitting position as Boudica. She 'accidentally' moves some of her robe/skirt to reveal her _soft legs_ to the world. "Master will take my laps. Mine is a Saint's Laps." Martha smirks at Boudica, who is glaring at her. Her message was clear: 'My Laps is more pure and far better than yours.'

"No, no, no." Another form sits not far from Martha and Boudica, the three of them creating a triangle. "True disciple of Buddha _always_ has the best laps to sleep on." The famous traveling monk, Xuanzang, taps her _soft looking laps_ and smirk at the two glaring women.

The Saint and Queen did not take that lightly.

"You're quite cocky for a weak traveling monk."

"What was that you pathetic monk?!"

"Don't call me weak and pathetic! I'm pretty strong!"

Ritsuka, being the great Master he is, tries to intervene before it gets out of hand. "Everyone please wait—"

"As his big sister it's my duty to pamper him!"

"Just because you've been with him the longest doesn't mean you can hog him all the time!"

"Yeah! He's a fellow disciple of Buddha! It's _my_ duty to pamper him!"

And as usual, he went mostly ignored.

The death glares turn to yelling, and then it turns into threats of physical conflict as soon as they all materialized their weapons from nothingness. It didn't take long before they clash, heroic spirit—No, maidens with heartfelt goals.

And, well, here he is. Stuck watching the girls fighting over who have the rights to pamper him on their laps, playing with his hair and maybe feed him fresh and juicy grapes.

Fucking lucky bastard.

Knowing he doesn't have the power to stop them he turned to one of the 'lucky back up Servant' that also came along with them. "Tamamo Cat!" He shifted his gaze toward the side—

-only to find the said 'back up Servant', the Berserker that can stop all three of them, sprint away from them chasing away a bright, yellow butterfly.

"HAHAHAHA! Come here Butterfly! HAHAHA!"

… Of course she would act like a cat in a tense and important moment like this. Then, to the next Servant that probably can stop this catastrophe. "Jiang Ke! Can you do something to stop them?!"

The calm and stoic Chinese assassin look at her Master with a neutral expression, and then shift her gaze toward the fighting Servants. "… I can probably stop them."

"Then—"

"However Xuanzang will destroy me with ease, and in order for me to end her conflict I must use my Noble Phantasm. If I do that even I can defeat a Caster of her caliber, but my life will end in the process." Her Noble Phantasm is one of the most deadly single targets; however the price for her to do that is her life, as fitting in her legend. "If Master desires it so, then I will do it without a single regret—"She slowly stood up from her sitting position and unsheathe a small, hidden knife.

"No Jiang Ke! Please don't die like that!" Ritsuka try to hold back the weirdly loyal Assassin from sacrificing her life and killing her own ally. "Caesar! Do something!"

Julius Gaius Caesar, one of the legendary Roman general and its early Emperors, look up from the sandwich he's munching on for the last ten minutes. "… Jiang Ke, if you die like that our Master will be really sad. Are you that heartless that you are willing to break the soft and gentle heart of our Master?"

She paused, much to the surprise of Ritsuka. "I…"

"No matter how much you value sacrifice, are you really willing to be the one that made him shed his noble tears? Are you really so evil, Jiang Ke?"

"If… If he desire…"

"You know he desire nothing but to see you alive, to see your smile every day."

Slowly, as if being affected by a hypnotist, she went back to a sitting position with her head down. Her body's shivering, as if she's internally fighting something.

Truly, despite his large and fat body Caesar's charisma lives up to the legend.

Ritsuka let out a sigh of relief, "Thanks Caesar. But uh, we still have some problem…" He look toward the group of women who is still fighting.

"YOU'RE PRACTICALLY A MILF! YOU CAN'T BE HIS BIG SISTER!"

"MILF MAKE THE BEST BIG SISTER! AND YOUR BRUTISH WAY DOESN'T MAKE YOU A BETTER CANDIDATE!"

"THAT'S RIGHT! WHAT MASTER NEED IS A PURE, AND DEDICATED STUDENT OF—"

"SHUT UP! HE DOESN'T NEED A GIRL THAT'S SO WEAK SHE NEEDED A MONKEY TO PROTECT HER!"

"WHA-!? HOW DARE YOU!"

… He's just glad they haven't used their Noble Phantasm.

Caesar chuckles and munch on a sandwich, "Master, you know why they are fighting, do you not?"

"Huh? Oh, of course."

"Then you know how to stop them."

"I do?"

Caesar laughs, "Of course you do! If they're fighting to pamper you, instead of choosing one why not chooses all?" He extends his hands to the side, like a King showing off to the world. "You are the Master of many Servants, the last hope of Humanity. If you don't have the privilege to choose all, then we Emperors are nothing more than fraud! Love can be shared! It is up to the individuals to choose so!"

Ritsuka look at the Roman Emperor with awe at his speech. _Of course! The answer is obvious!_ "Thank you, Caesar! I… I've been so blind… Now I know what to do!" With that he quickly charge toward the fighting female Servants, his intention solidified with the Emperor's speech. Truly, he's been blinded by everything, by the mere fact of an ordinary logical person.

In dealing with Servants, you need something extraordinary.

"ALL OF YOU STOP!"

As if the command of a King, all three of them stop their attacks. Their eyes glued to the new addition of their battle royal, standing in the middle of them all.

It was Boudica that speak first, "Master please move. It's dangerous—"

"I don't want to see you three fights. I _hate_ seeing you three killing each other." He looks around the girls, his face kind and gentle. "I know you three want to help me relax, and I know you all have the best intention in mind. That's why, I will take full responsibility!" His face look determined, ready to take on the world. "I WILL LET YOU THREE PAMPER ME AS MUCH AS YOU WANT TODAY! AT THE SAME TIME!"

He declared to the heaven, his voice booming with absolute authority.

And all three girls are looking at him with red face.

""" _So… SO MANLY!"""_

Truly, the passive skill of a Harem Protagonist is fearsome.

Meanwhile, at the picnic site Caesar is observing the scene with tears on his eyes. "... Truly, I've been bless with a Master that made me so proud." He wipes a tear from his eye and munches on the sandwich again. "Remind me of myself in the old days…"

"… Are you teaching him to be a King?"

Caesar look to the now recovered Jiang Ke. "Ho? What made you say that?"

"I know a King in the making when I see one." Jiang Ke answered.

"Ah, is that so?" Caesar finished another helping of sandwich. "He reminded me of some people in my life; it hit my parental heart to groom him to be a great heir. I wish to see him rise, like Emperor Octavian after me." He chuckles, "But what about you, Assassin? Do you not wish to join them?"

Jiang Ke observes her Master interaction with the other girls. "If I can stay by his side, even by the shadow, and knowing how he care about me, how he will shed tears if I die… That's enough for me." For Jiang Ke, knowing that someone care for you, love you enough to shed tear once you passed, is more than enough for her.

"… A truly beautiful answer, Assassin."

"Thank you."

 **FIN?**

 **But wait, there's more!**

 **Red Lily of Betrayal**

Seduction is an act of seducing someone, using tactics and manuvers that will hit your target right at their heart string. It is an art that not everyone can use, usually only beautiful/handsome or someone with great body can do.

It is an art that Mordred didn't know how to do.

Curious of this technique, she decided to ask someone that (probably) knows how to do this.

"Um…" Astolfo scratch her—I mean his cheek. "I don't know much about seduction. I never have to do it, really." He didn't know his passive skill that makes males question their sexuality, apparently.

"Truly Master Astolfo?" Mordred hope went down the drain.

"Yeah… Sorry. BUT! I know someone who can help!"

And then it went back up.

 **XXX**

"P-Please, teach me the art of seduction!"

Mata Hari blinks at the sudden appearance of the 'Prince' of Camelot. "Well… I don't really mind but…"

"But?"

"My seduction involves a lot of dancing," And revealing body parts during those dances, "And, well, I don't think my technique will fit your style very much."

"Dance? What kind of dance?"

"Strip Dancing."

Mordred choke on her own saliva.

 **XXX**

Mordred walks through the hallway of Chaldea with a conflicted emotion on her face.

With Mata Hari unable to help her (because there's no way she's strip dancing! That's just embarrassing and un-knightly!), there's only one other person that Astolfo said can help her. The problem is asking said person for her request…

And if her Father found out…

"Hm? You look like you have a large problem, Mordred."

Mordred flinch and look up, her eyes widened. "Fath-" She stop, noticing the _clear_ and _obvious_ differences between her father and this person. "N-Nero…"

Nero Claudius raises an eyebrow at the girl. "Umu? What's the matter?"

No matter how many times she'd seen Nero Claudius in all her red glory, she just can't get used to seeing her Father face with a different, much bustier body in sexy clothing.

Sexy clothing…

… "M-Miss Nero, um, can I ask you something?"

Nero blink, but then a wide grin appears on her face. "Umu! Of course you can! What is it do you wish to ask this Emperor?"

Mordred looks around the hallway, seeing no other Servants around in the vicinity. "W-Well… P-Please…"

"Hm?"

"Please teach me how to seduce someone!"

Nero eyes widened, her face shock. "You…" Then her face once again changes into a large grin, "Of course! I, Nero Claudius, shall teach you how to be magnificent and able to mesmerize anyone with a single look! Umu!"

"Really?!"

"Indeed! Now come, let us go to my room!" Without warning Nero quickly grab hold of Mordred's hand and drag her away with surprising strength.

"W-Wait! I can walk!"

 **XXX**

"Hmm… You have beautiful skin… They're soft too…" Inside the room of Nero Claudius, Mordred, now in her underwear, is being inspected by the Emperor of Rome. "An A-grade skins…"

"A-Ano…" Her face is red, her body shivering in embarrassment as her father-look-alike inspect her entirety while poking it here and there. "D-Does this really necessary?!"

"Umu! I need to inspect you to help you use your greatest strength to catch the eyes of the males. Unfortunately, you are like your father in the breasts department, but that's okay."

That… offended Mordred more than she likes to admit.

"But your skin is really beautiful… despite the muscles it's still really soft… and your butt is good too, so it's a plus." Nero let out a hum. "Alright, let's try some clothes on you."

Mordred sighed. Finally she can wear clothing now.

She didn't realize her plight is just beginning."

 **XXX**

"This outfit barely covers anything at all! Anyone can see everything!"

"What are you talking about? It covers your entire body."

"IT'S SEE THROUGH!"

"Exactly!"

"D-Don't you have anything else?"

"But I thought you want to seduce someone?"

"I… I don't want other male to see my body… Only Master can see it…"

"… KYAAAH! YOU'RE SO CUTE!"

"G-Gah! You're hugging me!"

"If only you have a bustier body… Wait. I think I got an idea…"

"Huh?"

 **XXX**

Ritsuka Fujimaru is having a peaceful breakfast on the table of Artoria and EMIYA, accompany by Mashu of course. It's been awhile since he and Mashu sit together with the King of Knight and Red Archer, so he thought why not, right?

"Ah, g-g-good morning Master."

He recognized the voice, just as he recognized the voice of all the other Servants. "Good morning Mordred—"He stop, his eyes widened in shocked.

Mordred stood there with a red face, wearing an oversize white shirt that barely covers her black panties (that barely can be seen) underneath an apron with the words: Property of Master.

Ritsuka mind shut down, reboot itself, re-processing what it had just seen, and then take the proper cliché measure of a nosebleed fountain.

Artoria choked on her food at the sight.

EMIYA cover his eyes with a red face, weirdly feeling guilty like he'd seen something he suppose to see.

Mashu is being… Mashu. "Master?! Are you alright?!"

It was the King of Knight that recovered first. "WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?!"

"I-It's none of your business, Father!"

"DON'T TALK BACK TO ME! W-WHY ARE YOU WEARING SUCH A SLOOZY OUTFIT!"

It wasn't Mordred that answer back. "To win her man, of course!" Nero Claudius, with all her Roman glory enters the fray. "Though I think it work too well. You haven't even start to sit on his laps yet."

"SO IT WAS YOU, YOU ROMAN HARLOT! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY SON!"

"What? Helping her win her mate, of course. Unlike you, you incompetent Father, I can help her gets what she desire. Umu! I'm a better parent than you!"

"WHY YOU LITTLE—"

"S-Someone! Master is losing too much blood!"

EMIYA sighs. Curse his E rank luck. "I'll go get Jeanne and Martha…" Like hell he'll stop the two Sabers fighting without the Ruler help, and Martha is really good at healing. He just hope the cafeteria will survive the inevitable fight when he return.

But knowing his luck, there's no way that'll happen.

 **FIN?**

 **Apron!Mordred is a new Servant costume. Get it now by exchanging 100 black keys~**

 **(It's a lie btw don't hold me on that)**

 **Next time on DBZ—Er, I mean DLoC!**

" **I want to be stronger… I want to be strong so I don't have to worry everyone again! That's why, please teach me how to fight!"**

" **Sure."**

" **Oh, you're going to regret that request Master—Ow! What the hell?!"**


	6. DLC: Special Chapter (1)

**Surprise? Well, me too, haha. Anyway, this is not cannon to the main story but I made it anyway, to satisfy my plot bunnies. Welp, I hope you guys like it! It's not the most quality work I've done, so don't expect epic stuffs.**

 **XXX**

 **DLC: Special Chapter (1)**

 **XXX**

They all gathered at a large, circular room with large magic circle on the middle. Servants and Master surround the circle, with the later putting down rainbow color crystals around the circle at specific location.

"If more Black Keys appear I'm killing someone." Cu chulainn sighed, leaning on his cursed spear as support.

"Don't complain." Jeanne frowned and glared at the spearman, who flinched at her gaze. "You know it's random."

"I know… But we've been standing around here for like an hour and most of the time we summoned a bunch of runes, some crystal necklace and that damn Black Keys! What is up with those Black Keys?! It's like someone out there, like a sadistic dark priest or something is laughing his ass off from giving us these shits!"

"Isn't that a bit specific?"

Although it's not the first time they've done this the fact it's getting on everyone's nerve is fairly understandable. To summon new Servants Ritsuka need to use these _Saint Quartz_ that is said to be filled with magic properties as sacrifice. But the fact that they also can summon random stuffs instead of Servants made everyone _hate_ this process.

The Servants don't really need to be there of course, but just in case Ritsuka summoned something unstable (like a rampaging Berserker or something) a group of Servants always come with him whenever he want to summon.

Yet it still irked most people in the room.

"Alright, done." Ritsuka stood up from his crouching position and let out a sigh of relief. "Let's get started." He looks at the Command Seal on his right hand and then slowly aims it at the circle and begins pouring his last remaining prana.

 _Let silver and steel be the essence.  
Let stone and the archduke of contracts be the foundation  
Let these Saint Crystals be the tribute I pay  
Let rise a wall against the wind that shall fall  
Let the four cardinal gates close.  
Let the three-forked road from the crown reaching unto the Kingdom rotate._

 _I hereby declare.  
Your body shall serve under me.  
My fate shall be your sword.  
Submit to the beckoning of the Holy Grail  
If you will submit to this will and this reason…Then answer!_

 _An oath shall be sworn here!  
I shall attain all virtues of all of Heaven.  
I shall have dominion over all evils of all of Hell! _

_From the Seventh Heaven, attended to by three greet words of power,  
Come forth from the ring of restraints,  
Protector of the Holy Balance!_

The circle exploded with bright light and blinds everyone in the room. Slowly the light subsides, revealing whatever it's summoned in the middle of the circle.

"… Would you look at that…" A voice, unknown to everyone in the room echoed. "Interesting…"

There, in the middle of the summoning circle stood a Servant with long white robe, covering his entire body. His hands are filled with bandages, yet it's his face that garners the most attention. He wears a white blank mask that covers most of his face. The only thing that can be seen from him is his black, spiky hair that isn't covered by anything.

"I did it!" Ritsuka smile with a large grin. Finally, the tenth tries!

The figure observes the room around him, looking at the Servants surrounding the circle each with their hands on their weapons. "What a welcoming party." He chuckles, "But nevertheless, an introduction is in order." He walks toward Ritsuka slowly and calmly, stopping right in front of him. "… Tell me, are you my Master?"

"I am. My name's Ritsuka Fujimaru."

The Servant slowly bows, "I… Am Servant Saver, I have come to answer your call."

…

…

…

… "Wait," Ritsuka scratch his cheek, "Servant Saver…?"

"Oi! Don't lie!" Cu points his spear at the new Servant, "There's no such thing as a Saver Class!"

Saver chuckles, "Perhaps our Master can confirm my words?"

Ritsuka quickly open the stat menu (which only he and probably the Ruler class can see) to see the status of the new Servant. It didn't take long for his eyes to widened when he look at the class. "He's… Telling the truth."

"What?! No way!"

"Interesting…"

"A new class! That's…. That's awesome!"

"I'm hungry, can we go now?"

"HAHAHAHA!"

Ritsuka close the screen and smile apologetically at him. "Sorry about that. It's the first time we've heard of your class."

"It's fine, no harm done."

"Oh uh, your name is—"

"Gudao." Saver introduced himself, "You can call me Gudao."

 **FIN?**

 ***Le gasp Who is this Gudao?! Why is he a Saver?! WHY AM I ASKING YOU ALL WHEN I'M THE AUTHOR?!**

 **Ah who am I kidding? Half the fandom know who Gudao is.**

 **Remember, this isn't cannon… Or is it?**

 **-Servant Profile:**

 **Name: Gudao (?), the Harbinger of Hope**

 **Class: Saver**

 **Master: Ritsuka Fujimura**

 **Alignment: Lawful-Good**

 **Attribute: Human**

 **STR: D**

 **END: D**

 **AGI: E**

 **MAN: EX**

 **LCK: EX**

 **N.P: ? (E-A++)**

 **Class Skills:**

 **-Independent Action: A**

 **-Magic Resistance: B**

 **-Charisma: A**

 **-Counter Hero: B**

 **-Demon Slayer: EX**

 **Personal Skills:**

 **-Eye of the Mind (True): A+**

 **-Magecraft: A+**

 **-Arms Mastery: C+**

 **-Tactic: B+**

 **-Ex-Harem Protagonist: EX**

 **-Brynhildr Beloved: EX**

 **Noble Phantasm:**

 **-Transcendent Potential of Mankind: Gudao can access all skills that have been unlocked by human kind. As long as the skills is used by a 'human', and can be used by a 'human', or considered to be used by a 'human', then Gudao automatically have the ability to use it. Creatures/living beings that are closely resemble a human and can be consider being one can be counted (such as Homunculi), however pure divine being and non-human (such as Vampires) are not included.**

 **-Restoration of Spirit Origin: Gudao can restore any and all spirit origin, meaning he can 'revive' someone if they die, including himself. This ability is especially effective with Servants.**

 **-Harbinger of Hope: If activate Gudao raise the parameter of any ally around him by one, and make them immune to mental based attack.**

 **-Mask of Minor Identity: A mask once given to Gudao by one of his precious people as a birthday present. It hid the 'TRUE IDENTITY' of Gudao, and instead replaced it with whatever identity he wanted.**

 **-Mankind Resolution: Chaldea: is a Reality Marbel in which Gudao summon every Heroic Spirits that swore that they will defend mankind. All Heroic Spirits are considers 'Servants' and their stats are maintain as one. This skill does not include Anti-Heroes who have no wish to protect humanity, but does include Counter Guardians.**

 **Profile:**

 **Gudao was once a third class magus (commoner) that have enough potential to be a Master (but not a competent Magus) and was included in a program called 'Chaldea'. Later on he became the last and final Master, the last hope of Mankind Survival. He later won over his trial at the cost of everyone he care about, and in his final moment with the grail he wishes 'for the survival and happiness of mankind, including all the heroes.' His wish saved the world, and thus he was labeled as a 'Savior' and was recorded in the Throne of Heroes.**

 **Before the end of his journey, he was trained by Heroes of old with multitude of skills, thus he can be consider a 'jack of all trade'. Although his normal skills are average overall, his ability given by experience and the Servant system made him a formidable foe and a mighty ally.**


	7. Operation: Hardened Spear

**I have no regret. This is the only path.**

 **Here you go, next chapter. Oh and I also want to thank everyone who send me a friend request, you guys rock!**

 **Other than that, I'm going to cry in the corner for getting so much boat craft essence that I don't want while my friend got Orion, Drake, and Anne and Marry.**

 **WHY RNG! IS IT BECAUSE I HAVEN'T BUY CRYSTALS WITH REAL MONEY YET?!**

 **But I guess I at least got Nyantalanta so… Yeah. ENJOY!**

 **XXX**

 **Untold Story: Daily Life in Chaldea!**

 **Operation: Hardened Spear**

 **XXX**

Ritsuka Fujimaru knew he's weak.

Even in magus standard, he's nothing but a commoner, or a third rate magus that can barely be called one. He himself barely knew any spell at all, only knowing several simple spells like minor healing and a small reinforcement. The only reason he's even here in the first place is because apparently his aptitude for being a Master is really high. He supposed it's his only redeeming quality for being drafted to Caldea.

Though Mashu always said that he's much better than the normal Magus in Caldea because he's so ordinary, more different and unique than the common staffs. He doesn't know why she thinks so, and she never clearly explains it either. His other Servants, too always console him about this fact and said not to worry about them even when they almost die several times protecting him.

He felt weak… Weak and powerless against the threats of Singularity. He needs to be stronger… For himself and the other, so all of them can continue to live.

"That's why..." He steels himself, his eyes full of determination, "I want to be stronger… I want to be strong so I don't have to worry everyone again! That's why; please teach me how to fight!" He bows his head.

Scathach observes her Master-Student, "Sure."

Cu Chulainn snort, "Oh you're going to regret that request Master—Ow! What the hell?!" He glares at his Master who ignored him, as if she didn't just jab him on the stomach.

"Come, we shall train at the training ground." Scathach turn around and start to walk away. "And change into a more fitting outfit, Master. Unless you want that outfit to be destroyed."

Ritsuka stares at his 'teacher' until she disappear from his sight. "… Why do I feel I just sign a death warrant?"

His Lancer Servant just looks at him in pity. "You have no idea, Master. Oh and I suggest you do what she told, her training method is… a bit brutal."

"How much is 'a bit brutal'?"

"An ordinary person would probably die."

"…"

 **XXX**

"Try again."

"Hyaah!" A sound of steel hitting steel echo through the room.

"… Again."

"Raaah!"

Inside Chaldea spacious training room, where almost all high tech training programs and simulation can be run, Ritsuka Fujimura, wearing a black tank top and a white jersey pants, can be seen standing upon a large training dummy that seem to be made out of steel. He's holding a generic looking iron spear, which he's been using to thrust attack the training dummy. Yet whenever he hits the dummy, it just bounced off its torso like a bullet ricocheting from a tank armor.

Of course the news of Ritsuka wanting to train had spread across Caldea itself, and it had gained quite a crowd observing the process.

"… What exactly the purpose of this task?" A short, white hair girl asked. She's wearing a white one piece underneath a tattered cloak with a pair of bunny ears on her head. "Master is a normal human; he can't just pierce a steel dummy with a common spear."

"Marry's right." A tall, 'big-sister' type blond hair woman with a revealing pirate outfit joined in while hugging 'Marry' from behind. "Shouldn't he at least learn the basic of fighting instead of just repeating this?"

Cu, the ever bro-spearman, sighed and look at the two pirates, Anne Bonny and Marry Read, "As I said four minutes ago, Master Scathach need to see how strong and how compatible our Master is with the spear before beginning her training."

"D-Do you think Senpai will be fine?" Mashu, the ever loving Kouhai, asked.

"He should be fine." Surprisingly, Robin Hood, the sarcastic and cynical servant, was the one who answered with no sarcasm at all. "He's been building stamina going on adventures saving the world, so don't worry too much Lady Mashu."

"R-Right…"

"But why do you think Master want to train suddenly?" Ushiwakamaru asked outloud, "D-Do you think he's not satisfied with us?!"

Cu waved her off. "Nah, he said he just doesn't want us to worry about him too much, that's all."

Jeanne D'Arc sighed, as with several other Servants at the reason. "Of course that's his reason. Didn't he know it's part of being a Servant to protect their Master?"

"I say we let him train." Koujiro Sasaki said, his eyes filled with pride watching his Master. "It is part of his growth and being a human, to want to be stronger. We, as his Servants sworn to protect him, but we can't always be there for him."

What Koujiro said is true. In combat situation, especially against enemy Servants, there will always come a time where they can't fully concentrate on protecting their Master. Even Mashu, a Servant of the shield, knew of this fact.

Artoria nodded her head. "I agree. We too as his Servants must respect our Master decision. If he wishes to be strong then we must support him. Perhaps he would like to learn how to fight with a blade?"

"Hmm… You're right. Perhaps we should ask him later?" It seems both Koujiro and Artoria are pretty fond of the idea on training their Master in the way of blade.

"Stop."

Scathach word snapped all of the Servants back toward their Master, who stop his attack on the helpless, albeit uninjured, dummy.

"You've done well, Master." Scathach praised, "Now then, let me informed you of my finding: First of all, your stamina is great, highly above common normal human being without magic reinforcement. Secondly, your strength need more work. Finally, you have absolutely no form or natural talent in using a spear."

Ritsuka and some of the Servants winced at the brutal word of the Queen of Spear.

"However," The Master looks up at Scathach neutral poker face. "Though you have no natural talent, you have great potential. I can work with that."

His face light up like its Christmas. "Really?!"

"Yes." Scathach nodded her head. "First thing first, you need to learn _how_ to properly thrust a spear." She walk behind her Master and slowly, almost sensually wrap herself behind him _really REALLY close_. "First this is how you hold it—" She slowly guide Ritsuka hands on how to hold the spear, "—relax them, don't clench it too hard."

Ritsuka, while allowing the Queen of Spear to guide his hands, can't help to notice the _soft_ and _warm_ body of his teacher behind him, especially _not_ her breasts. It also doesn't help that she's wearing a skin tight body suit. It took _everything_ in his willpower not to succumb to his hormone on the spot.

"Now, this is how you _thrust_ the spear." She slowly guides Ritsuka creating a thrusting motion, "Make sure it's _hard_ and _firm_." Of course this course of action made her hump the Master of Chaldea from behind. _Slightly_. "Good, not this how you stand—"

"Oi." Jeanne, and most of the female crowd have a deadpan expression on their face as they watch the 'training'. "Does she need to be _that_ close to guide him how to handle spear? And do her hands need to be that explorative?" The Saint asked as she watches Scathach hands exploring their Master body while sometime _brushing_ against the dangerous crouch area.

Cu didn't answer, preferring to cover his face with his hands at the sheer weirdness of the whole situation. While he's happy that his Master is getting on some close contact action with a beautiful female, yes, even knowing that female is his teacher, the fact that the Queen of the Land of Shadow would do this kind of thing is…

It made the Lancer has inkling that the whole 'spear thrusting' session is just a pre-text for his teacher to ogle their Master. Which he sincerely hope is a big fat no.

"… ALRIGHT THAT'S ENOUGH!" Surprisingly it was Artoria, the ever paragon of virtue, that snap first. "ARE YOU TRAINING HIM OR TRYING TO MOLEST HIM?!"

"Hm? I don't know what you're talking about, King of Britain, but you're interrupting a lesson here."

"THIS IS THE MOST F-FLOOZIEST TRAINING I'VE EVER WITNESS!"

Spur on and rallied by their Saber sister, the female crowd quickly joined in on the debate and, once again, filled Chaldea with chaos.

 **XXX**

Because of that infamous incident, dub as 'Hard Spear' incident by Robin Hood, much to the annoyance of Cu, the Servants decided to give their Master lessons every now and then separated by classes, each with different teacher.

It's a compromising idea by Zhuge Liang, who managed to satisfy every party.

 **Tactic Class**

 **Teachers: Zhuge Liang, Julius Caesar, Alexander, Hektor.**

All four teachers observes the piece of paper where a problem they formulated, along with their Master answers are located. Each has different expressions, ranging from surprise to awe.

"S-Sorry if it's not good." Ritsuka smile sheepishly. "The problem is really complicated so I don't know which answer I should choose…"

While the problem _looks_ complicated, the tactician and generals formulated it just that. It looks complicated and hard, but in reality it's pretty simple and easy. It's a test to gauge the Master awareness and mind for strategy.

But they never expect the Master to write four different ways to tackle the problem.

Needless to say, the tactician and generals decided that their Master don't really need much help in the way of strategy, and they decided to just taught and show him different type of strategies for different situation to broaden Ritsuka view.

 **Sword Class**

 **Teachers: Koujiro, Artoria, Artoria Alter, Siegfried.**

"No this style perfects the Master better!"

"Nonsense! He is Japanese! Thus, he must learn the way of Japanese blade first!"

"He'll be facing a lot of wyverns and dragons, so I suggest my style is best to learn first."

Ritsuka sweatdrop as he watch his teachers fight among each other about the first style he'll learn. Then he shifts his gaze to the side, where Artoria Alter is sitting and eating a bag of chips without a care in the world. "A-Aren't you going to stop them?"

She just shrugs, "I don't need to. They'll realize sooner or later that it's too soon for you to learn a style yet. You don't even know the correct way to hold and swing a blade." Then she went back to enjoying the show while munching her chips.

Ritsuka just sweatdrop further.

It took 30 minutes before they realize that fact.

 **Archery Class**

 **Teachers: Orion (Artemis), Atalanta.**

"Take a deep breath, and pull."

Ritsuka follow as instructed and slowly take a deep breath while pulling the bow string.

"—Let go."

He let go and watch as the arrow flew through the air and hit the target, albeit far from the center. "Ah, I hit it!"

Atalanta nods her head. "Congratulation, Master."

"Yay!" Artemis claps her hands loudly, "Congrats, Honey!"

The bear cub doll on her should, the real hero Orion, glare at the Goddess. "Call him Master!"

"Thanks everyone." Ritsuka scratch his cheek sheepishly. "But I don't even hit the middle."

"Mastery over archery takes time." Atalanta comforted the male, "It is no shame not hitting the bullseye the first time. Slowly, as you get use to the motion of using a bow, you'll hit the middle. That, I promise."

Ritsuka smile, "Thanks Atalanta. Now then, let's try again." He do the motion and stance Atalanta taught him and aim at the target.

"Pssh, Artemis." Orion-Bear whispers something to the goddess ear, who nods her head eagerly.

"Okay, I understand." Artemis walks toward the concentrating Master. "Ne, Ne, Master, Atalanta said that if you can hit the middle she'll let you play with her tail."

That takes them, both Ritsuka and Atalanta, off guard, the later, especially. "Wha-?!" Atalanta looked shock at the goddess sudden word of reward. "W-Wait a minute—"

Ritsuka, in his shock, accidentally let loose the arrow and it hit straight in the middle. Bullseye.

"…"

"…"

"… Wow! You did it Honey! Your idea work Darling!"

"Of course! Also, call him Master!"

 **Undercover Class**

 **Teachers: Cursed Arm Hassan, Hassan of Serenity, Jing Ke, Mata Hari.**

"I think that Master is more talented toward information gathering than stealth assassination." Mata Hari explained to her fellow Assassins, "Especially if the target is female."

The other Assassins nod their head in agreement. "Master, is really good at talking. He is pure, as his sword we, cannot allow him to be tainted, by the shadow." Hassan of Serenity said with her soft voice. "Our duty as, the Assassins of our lord, is to bear his desire, and to protect his smile."

"Agreed. Let us train Lord Mage in the art of saboteur and information gathering instead of assassination." Cursed Arm Hassan suggested. "And perhaps in seduction too, if Lady Mata Hari have no objection."

"Sure!"

Jing Ke hums in understanding. "Very well then."

Mata Hari claps her hand with a smile. "Then we are all in agreement!"

The door of the room burst open as a panting Ritsuka charged inside. "S-Sorry I'm late… The lance training took longer than expected" He wiped his sweat from his face then offers his Assassins a smile. "So what are we going to learn?"

 **Cooking Class**

 **Teacher: EMIYA.**

"So… Uh… Do I really need to learn how to cook?"

"You do. Cooking, while not look and sound like one, is a mighty weapon that can took out an army."

"Really?!"

"Yes. Even I once conquer a fearsome Lion that can fight an army by herself."

"Woah… That must be some lion."

"She is… One of the most beautiful too."

 **FIN?**

 **Or is it?**

 **Long Live The High Queen of Britannia!**

EMIYA is having a really weird day.

It all started when he's doing his usual morning routine of walking to the kitchen to cook breakfast. He then bumps into one of the Knight of the Round Table, Gawain in particular. It's not really rare for them to bump into each other since Chaldea is not large enough for them to stay away with each other for a long time. No, it's not that that weird him out, it's when he suddenly bow toward him.

"Good morning, your Majesty."

With that he leaved the stunned and confused Archer alone.

It's… really bizarre.

Trying to forget the odd occurrence, he continues toward the cafeteria.

Then he met Lancelot, THE Lancelot, who looks at him, stares for a minute, and then he bow his head and continue on his journey out of the room.

He's been freaking out at that point. But fear alone would not stop him from cooking. Not even apocalypse will stop him from cooking.

An hour later, as he's enjoying the fruit of his labor with the rest of Chaldea Servants and staffs at his usual table while waiting for Artoria, he accidentally made eye contact with Artoria Alter, who rarely comes to the cafeteria since she hated his cooking, and she sneers at him.

"I can't believe she choose _you_ to be the Queen."

And then for Shirou the world freeze. "Huh?"

"What, you don't know? Figure… Merlin's been telling her Knights about Artoria's history with you."

"Huh?!"

"So technically speaking, you're the current Queen of Camelot, and… tch, her Britannia."

"HUH?!" It took him several second to realize who's responsible for this.

"MERLIIIIIIIIIIIIN!"

 **FIN**

 **MUAHAHAHA YES! A NEW SERVANT HAS APPEARED! QUEEN EMIYA! A FIVE STAR ARCHER!**

 **Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this, and don't forget to vote for your favorite Servants so they have a chance for a chapter dedicated to them! Even the one that already been done can be re-voted! So vote away in the review!**

 **Also, I have a pole in my profile. Check it out!**

 **Have a good day everyone! Oh, and GODDAMNIT MERLIN!**


	8. Special Halloween Chapter

**Axel: Here you go guys! A special Halloween chapter for y'all! I took some time from my free time to write this, so I hope you guys actually enjoy it. Also, I have finally gotten myself a beta-reader that's kind enough to beta read everything!**

 **Say thanks to** **NathanHale2** **!**

 **Also, for those who are wondering about the progress of my other Fate fanfic, FakeApocrypha, it's 50% done so if we're lucky I should be done by the end of this month. Hopefully.**

 **Oh and the poll? Well a lot of you guys are a bunch of perverts. I'll just leave it at that. Not that I can blame you.**

 **If you guys want to join me in Discord to just chill and stuff, PM me and I'll give you a link. I'm online most of the time so say hi or something if you want. Anyway on with the show!**

 **XXX**

 **Special Halloween Chapter: The Most Dangerous Weapon of All**

 **XXX**

The sound of orchestral music that holds both beauty and serene horror, echoes through the large room. Fittingly accompanying the atmosphere and decoration inside. The light's have been dimmed and small smoke machines cover the floor with a faint wispy fog, to simulate a cliché horror area in movies and books.

Ghosts, skeletons and carved pumpkins can be seen all around the room, further enhancing the 'feel' of the room.

But of course it is the people in the room that's scarier than anything else.

Servants and what little human staffs there was inside the large room, mingled with one another. Some of them dressed up in costumes to copy the form of ancient monsters and myths, even though technically they themselves can be considered myths.

The many tables in the room were filled with foods, both fast foods and well-made ones that a certain Archer insisted of having, shaped mostly to fit the theme.

The theme of a Halloween Party, of course.

"Bah, I don't know why we're listening to this music. My singing is much grander!" A petite, purple hair loli wearing a witch costume was standing next to a buffet table with a pout. "I can have everyone here be mesmerized and help create the best Halloween Party ever! But noooo, the Little Puppy want to hear this stupid song instead."

"Now, now Elizabeth," Mata Hari pats the loli on the head with a kind, almost motherly, smile, "Mozart has worked really hard for today and our Master really eager to hear his song."

"Hmph!" Elizabeth Bathory crossed her arms on her non-existence breasts. "The Little Puppy just doesn't know that an Idol is soooo much better than a bunch of people playing music instruments! I'll show him tonight, I'll sneak into his room and give him a private concert!"

Mata Hari continues her smile, ignoring how suggestive Elizabeth word was. "Now I don't think that's a good idea. Our Master needs his rest after all, or we can't go Ray Shifts. How about instead—"

Not far from the two females are Dr. Roman and Mashu, both amusedly observing the interaction. "She's treating her like a child." Roman said in an amused tone, clearly hinting at how Mata Hari talks with Elizabeth. "Not that I can blame her of course." He takes another gulp of the fruity flavoured alcohol.

Mashu nods her head. "Agree Doctor."

"Fou, Fou Fou!"

"Fou agrees as well."

"But man, I can't believe we manage to pull this party off." Roman looking around the darkened, foggy room, were all of the Servants and the few human staffs that attended. "A lot of Servants have come too. Hell, even Artoria Alter, Joan (Jeanne Alter), and even Altera are here!"

Mashu looks around to see all the Servants Roman mentioned, spotting Artoria Alter munching on a bowl of chips, Joan trying to ignore her holy 'side' as Jeanne tries to bug her 'sister' at something, and Altera standing at a food table eating (devouring) the delicious meals no doubt prepared by EMIYA and the furry maid, Tamamo Cat. "Uh huh…" She also spotted Hercules and Darius just standing in the corner of the room motionless, and Jack the Ripper using a white sheet as makeshift ghost costume running around bothering people to give her candy with a soft threat of 'if you don't give me candy, I'll cut you up'.

"By the way Mashu, where's Ritsuka? I thought he'll be arriving with you."

Mashu opens her mouth to answer, but then the entrance to the room burst open and in walks one of the most important humans in history. He stood tall, wearing an open, white button up shirt that shows his muscle, a pair of black pants, and a long purple cape around him, all look like it's made from silk. His eyes are red and a pair of fang poking out of his mouth. A large grin can be seen on his face.

"Senpai?!" Mashu quickly rushed over to the newcomer. "Is that a vampire costume?"

"Indeed it is!" Ritsuka Fujimaru, flaps his cape like one of that cliché villain from Sunday cartoon. "I asked Vlad to help me dress." He motioned towards the older Vampire who was walking to the buffet table.

"Oh I see, so that's why you asked me to go without you."

"Fou!" Fou jump and latched it… him? -self to Ritsuka's head. "Fofou!"

The human Master chuckles and pat the creature on his head. "Thanks Fou."

"Well, well." Roman walked toward the group with a smile, "Looks who's here all fancy. Glad you finally made it, Ritsuka. Here, have a drink."

"Thanks!" Ritsuka grab the glass full of coloured water and gulp it down in one go. "You have no idea how thirsty I was."

"There's still a lot of it, so go crazy and drink 'em all if you can, haha."

"I'll keep that in mind."

The party continues on, as Ritsuka mingles around with other occupant, not staying too long in one group. He chats, jokes and entertain the 'guests' while continue to drink the fruit tasting drinks.

And then it happened.

"You are so beautiful."

Altera paused, and she blinks. "… What?"

Ritsuka smile handsomely at her, one filled with kindness and yet tender affection. "You are beautiful." He walked closer to the Scourge of God, who's standing still in shocked at the sudden compliment. "Your hair… Your eyes… Everything about you is so… Beautiful." He walked even closer, reaching her personal space.

Altera, as one of the more aggressive Servant, automatic response was to either; summon her weapon and slash the idiot that dared to violate her personal space, or push the idiot and then obliterate him/her/it with her sword to oblivion. However she was taken fully off guard when her Master complimented—No, flirted with her out of nowhere with his full EX charisma level blaring at her with its full might.

And so her small, hidden girly persona rose from deep within her to properly respond to such an attack. Altera blushes, her heart beating so loudly she could hear it's thundering rhythm, and her eyes widened in panic. "M-M-Master what are you—"

Ritsuka suddenly take hold of both of her hands and in one swift motion he clear whatever distance they have. "You are so… tantalizing." With that he went into for the kill and then—

-bit her neck.

"AAHN!" Altera cried out in surprised at the attack. "M-Master no—Ahn—please not there—ah! No please n—ah!"

Every activity stops as they stare at the scene. Eyes widened, jaws dropped, and the sound of speeding heart beats filled everyone's ears as they stared in unadulterated horror at the scene before them.

The Scourge of God, the destroyer of civilization, the personification of destruction itself—turned into a boneless heap of blushing flesh as a man was biting and munching on her neck like she's a piece of candy.

"M-M-M-MASTER!" Kiyohime is the first one to recover, storming toward the Master. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING—" Her words stop as Ritsuka suddenly let Altera go and turn around to face the Dragon.

Altera herself turned into a puddle of goo, her legs weakened so much she couldn't stand on her feet any longer, collapsed to the floor. Her face burning a bright shade of red as she panted heavily from the sudden attack with an far away look in her eyes.

"Kiyohime, when I first saw you I know that you're made in heaven and god is showing off his beautiful creation to the world." Just like Altera, Ritsuka suddenly went and latched onto Kiyohime personal space and let loose a cheesy line that would make even a bravest man turn red in embarrassment. The cheesy line itself had a 50% chance of success, but not for Ritsuka. His passive EX skills blares into effect, and the line hit home.

Too close to home.

Kiyohime face went red as she look away, "M-Master, please do not shift the conversation with flattery—" She felt a hand touching her chin and softly shifting her gaze toward a pair of beautiful, blue eyes belonging to a certain Master. "M… Master…"

"I would never lie to you Kiyohime."

His words were so full of conviction, so full of assurance that even the jealous/yandere type such as Kiyohime can't resist.

And so Ritsuka went for the kill. He bit Kiyohime neck.

"A-AHHN! H-Husband-ah!" She moaned in delight, "Y-You like play like-ahn-this? I-I can cater to your need!"

The others watched on as their usually reserved Master began to suck on Kiyohime's neck. Some of them even think this is a dream, a dream where Ritsuka Fujimaru turned into a very forward Harem Protagonist.

"MASTER!" Jeanne, finally snapping herself out of her stupor, marched towards her Master with a reddened face. "W-What is this act of indecent?! You can't do such a thing in public!"

Ritsuka let go of Kiyohime, who drop down to the floor with a bliss expression, and turn his head toward the Saint. "Ah, hello Jeanne."

Jeanne open her mouth to berate and talk some sense into her Master, but then her Servant eyes noticed something. "… Master, are you drunk?"

Jeanne's words carried the weight of revelation as all eyes widened. Ritsuka Fujimaru, the Master and (potential) savior of mankind, is drunk.

"I am." Ritsuka admitted and flash a smile so beautiful that even Jeanne, with a clear head and a pretty good magic resistance, felt her heart skip a beat. "I am drunk in your beauty, Jeanne."

"N-No Master—"

"Why not?"

"I-I'm a Saint and—"

"I know." Ritsuka, as if teleporting (in Jeanne's mind) suddenly appear inside the Ruler personal space. "And I envy god for taking such an angelic Saint from me."

That does it. Jeanne defenses crumbles as fast as they come. "I… I… M-Master—"

"Please, let me take you away from God." He hold her hand and leaned closer to Jeanne red face, "And let me have your heart and love." Without mercy Ritsuka latches onto her neck softly nibbling away at her.

"AHN!"

Another one bites the dust.

"… The fruit punch!" Roman suddenly cried out amidst the confusion. "It has alcohol in it! And Ritsuka's been drinking a lot of that stuff!"

Mashu glares at the doctor, "Then how could you give him alcohol?!"

"How should I know he'll turn into a vampire Casanova and start giving girls hickies?!"

As the Shielder and the perverted doctor argued, Mata Hari eyes widened as she observes the scene. "His lines… It's what he's been learning in our class!" She holds her head in horror at the revelation of it all. "I… What have we created?!"

Elizabeth turned her head toward her 'friend'. "What are you guys teaching him?!"

"Seduction of course!"

"Don't sound so proud!"

EMIYA shook his head to recover himself from the shock. "We need to stop him." He declared loudly. "If we can isolate him we'll—" He look to his side and stopped.

Artoria's in a catatonic shock, Cu's cheering for his Master with a thumb up, Vlad's crying with the admiring look of an proud father in his eyes while mumbling pride-filled words, Robin looking very amused (EMIYA refuse the ask the green bastard for help), and Mordred looking on at the scene… with jealousy?

Shit. There's only one left that can help him within hearing range. "Drake! We need to help our Master!"

The pioneer of the star blink, and she nod, "Uh… Sure?"

"We'll capture him and isolate him. On me!" He charge forward with the pirate in tow, who's still not sure if she should help the red archer or not.

Ritsuka let go of the Maiden as slumped to the floor with an vacant stare and suddenly snapped his head towards his incoming foes. His eyes narrowed and he flick his finger—

Both EMIYA and Drake felt like gravity just become their enemy as something slammed them to the floor and weight them down. They look up and see Hercules glaring down at them with an visceral growl. Darius was also there, blocking the way for the incapacitated Servants from their Master.

"Did… He just instant commanded two Berserkers… With a flick of his finger?" Mata Hari asked the question most people had as they stare at the scene, with Elizabeth nodding dumbly next to her.

It is a well-known fact that controlling a Berserker, let alone commanding two without a verbal command was a hard if not an almost impossible thing to do.

"Now then." Ritsuka drunkenly, but still handsomely, look towards a nearby group of girls "Who's next?"

"A-As the Dragon Witch, It is my responsibility t-to challenge you next!"

"What kind of challenge is that you hussy witch! I, Elizabeth, as the great idol will be his next challenger!"

Mata Hari sweat dropped, "I don't know why you guys take it as a challenge…"

"Somebody—Gah! Stop the Master!"

"GRAAAAAH!"

"You be quiet EMIYA! The big guy's giving more strength in pushing us to the ground! I don't want to become a splat!"

"FOOOUUU!"

"Fou?! Did you drink the alcohol fruit punch!?"

"FOU! Purr, Fou!"

"I'm sorry? Did you just ask me to give you a lap dance?!"

The chaos went on, and the Halloween party turns into a memory that the people of Chaldea won't forget.

They also agree to make sure never give Ritsuka alcohol. EVER.

And the good Master? Well, he conveniently forgot everything the next morning and after surviving a rough hangover; grew very confused why most of the girls would blush and looked away whenever he's around.

 **FIN**

 **Yes. Yes that just happened. Don't forget to review your most like Servants and ideas!**

 **Next time on Chaldea Ball Z!**

 **"Any last words?"**

 **"I… I can bring him back to normal?"**

 **"… Execute him."**

 **"NO! WAIT ARTORIA PLEASE!"**


	9. Christmas Special

**Hey guys! This'll be my last update this year! The next chapter is a bit longer than expected so I'm wondering what I should do, haha. So instead I give you this special chapter for you all! I hope you enjoy it!**

 **This chapter is not Beta since I don't want to bother my Beta Reader during Christmas and New Year. So grammar alert!**

 **XXX**

 **Untold Story: Fate Grand Order Christmas Special**

 **XXX**

Christmas,

A day of celebration that more often than not symbolize merriness and resting time to spend with your loved ones, friends and family alike. It's a time where one could lay back and finally takes some time to relax from the trouble of the world, at least for one day, and where kindness come in abundant for sharing and giving gifts are an essential part of Christmas itself.

Chaldea, as the last hope of Mankind and its last bastion of resistance against fate, also embrace this cultural idea. Decorations of all manners that resemble the Christmas spirit can be seen decorating almost the entire public facilities, and it even can be seen on some of the Servants rooms. Of course the source of all the more flashy and overused décor could only be found in the one room where many of the Servants could always be found mingling about: the Cafeteria. Even the prominent Chefs of Chaldea like Shirou Emiya and Tamamo Cat pitched in by creating an oversized cake of sweetness that stood in the middle of the room.

Nobody knows how they could make such a thing in one night.

Of course even some of the Servants join in with the Christmas spirits by wearing attributes of red and white that the famous Santa usually wore, though some prefer to wear the trusty steed of Santa: the reindeer. Asterios in particular have no shame at all by being the private reindeer of Euryale and carrying the Goddess everywhere and anywhere, other are so into the Christmas spirit they wore the full Santa suit even with the beard (Altera and Artoria) while other are mixing the Christmas spirit with something else and wore a really lewd version of it (Martha, Ushiwakamaru, Kiyohime, Nero, and Tamamo no Mae).

Near one of the many buffet tables a pair of familiar Saint and Anti-Saint is having a heated argument that made the other occupants giving them wide breath. From the serious expressions on their face and large amount of auras they're emitting one would think whatever it's they're debating is a really serious topic.

"For the last time I won't call you 'Onee-chan'!"

"But why!? Master summoned me first so I have the right to be called that!"

"No means no!"

"T-Then at the very least call me Ane-sama!"

"NO!"

Yes indeed, a very serious conversation.

In the midst of the argument they didn't realize that the Master of Chaldea, Humanity Last Hope, and the unproclaim New Harem Master, walked inside the room. He scans the room and then his eyes landed on the two arguing Servants. He quickly fast walk toward the two while returning the greeting that some of the Servants are giving him.

"Jeanne, Joan."

His voice alone is enough to stop the argument between the Saint-that-poke-people's-eyes and the Dragon Witch. "Ah! Merry Christmas Master!" Jeanne greeted quickly and showers her Master with a beautiful smile. "I hope you have a wonderful—" She stopped.

There, standing beside her beloved Master, is a small mini-me version of Joan wearing a Santa outfit. Ritsuka crouches down, hold the little girl shoulders, and then beam at the two of them.

"This is the product of our love!" He said in a sing-along voice to Jeanne and Joan, "Please accept her both of you!"

"Eh?"

"Huh?"

Silence,

Silence,

It was Emiya, the ex-ero protagonist that first processed what his Master just said. For one, he knew it's a joke since Servant can't exactly conceive a baby, and finally he also realized what landmine Ritsuka just stepped on with his jest.

"Master don't-!"

" **WHAAAAAAAT?!"**

Members of Ritsuka harem pile dived at the poor Master and demanded explanation. Their logical side's buried underneath the fact of what he'd just said while bringing along a 'proof'. He tried to explain it's a joke of course, but the girls are too preoccupied to listen to him.

"What's the meaning of this puppy?!"

"M-My lord have you come to hate me that you did not wish to impregnate me?!"

"A-As a S-Saint you should do it with me first!"

"No! Mama wouldn't allow you having another baby with another woman!"

"Mikon! You're Tamamo's Master! You should impregnate me first!"

"As your big sis I will not allow unsafe sex! Y-You should consult me first!"

It's chaos full of soft bodies.

"W-What?! Don't be stupid!" Joan exclaimed loudly despite her Master being pile dived with soft bodies of females. "There's no way that this is—"

Jeanne drop to her knee as she stares at the smaller Servant on the eyes. "My name's Jeanne… I'm your new Mama." The she hug her softly with a faint tear falling down from her eyes. "You're safe now, it's alright…"

"Eh!? Don't join in with this stupidity you shitty Saint!" It was then Joan's eyes landed on her mini-me gaze. "… What?"

"… I can't believe you'll be me in the future."

A tickmark appeared on her head, "HAH!? WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!"

"Joan! Don't yell at our child!"

"THAT'S NOT OURS!"

"Jeanne stop going along with this joke and help us!" EMIYA screamed as he and several other Servants tries to dig their Master from the pile of bodies. "Our Master'll die if this keeps up!"

She ignored him in favor of pampering the new Servant.

It's just another typical Christmas in Chaldea.

 **-END-**

 **Sorry if it's too short, but I don't have as much time as I used to have. Merry Christmas to people that celebrate it, and have a Happy New Year to all of you!**

 **Also follow my Archive of Our Own: Axel_Yamamoto**

 **Twitter: Axel_Yamamoto**

 **Discord: #9372 Axel Yamamoto**

 **Peace!**

 **P.S: I might revise some chapters so look forward to it!**


	10. DLC: Special Chapter (2)

**Many thanks to my Beta: NathanHale2 for sacrificing his time to beta this chapter.**

 **I hope you guys like it!**

 **XXX**

 **DLC: Special Chapter II**

 **XXX**

"Come and spar with me."

Gudao shifted his gaze toward a beautiful and matured woman wearing black body suit standing nor far away from him. In her hand is an unnamed crimson spear, one of the many she possessed. He knew of her, as he knew the many Servants sparing in the Chaldea's Multifunction Room (or now dubbed as the Sparring Room). Scathach, the Queen of the Shadow Land and the famous mentor of Cu Chulainn.

Though he didn't know why she would want to spar with him. "And why do you wish to spar with me, Miss Scathach?" He came here to just observe and nothing more, but it seems fate once again laughed at his face for thinking nothing noteworthy will happened.

"I wish to test the strength of the Mighty Servant of Savior." She explained, "So spar with me."

Her firm and confidence voice echoed even through the sparring room as all eyes shifted toward the two. Gudao could say no to her of course, he's no obligation to agree unless his Master said so. Even with how hard headed Scathach can be, he's sure that if he asks his Master he'll help him walk out of her insistence pretty smoothly, as the Queen has a soft spot for the Master.

But…

"Alright." Gudao agreed, "But nothing too destructive. I don't want to make Da Vinci irritate with repairs." Scathach nodded her head, agreeing to the term.

The two of them walk to the middle of the room and the other Servants moves away to give them large enough space, and some even sprint out of the room. If Gudao had to guess they're going to spread the words that there'll a spar between him and Scathach. He's proved correctly when not even five minutes later other Servants almost burst into the room with an excited face.

"Just a heads up Miss Scathach, I'm more of a Caster type of Servant rather than a warrior." Gudao explained to his opponent, "So if I don't put up a good fight please don't be surprised."

Scathach didn't seem to be bothered or off put at all. "It's fine."

Gudao closes his eyes and ponder. He ponders his tactic and strategy, picking apart his options and choose the ones that would have the highest chance of him putting up a good fight. As a Master of the Spear, there's no way he could fight her conventionally. He needed something that she wouldn't expect nor something she could easily counter.

Well then, let's do this.

"Heroes of the Sword, grant me your strength." A faint light flashes in his hands as it slowly constructs itself into a weapon. In his right is a long katana with no guard and in his left is a shorter one with a simple guard. Almost all of the Servants inside the room recognized the swords instantly as it belongs to their fellow comrades.

It's the sword of Kojiro Sasaki and Miyamoto Musashi.

The owners of said blades are standing among the crowd, looking at the blades with wide surprised eyes.

"Those are…" Scathach eyes narrowed, "Traced blades? Like the Red Archer perhaps? Or…"

"These are not fakes." Gudao twirls the two swords in his hands, "These are real Noble Phantasm swords." He went into a familiar stance of Niten Ichi-Ryu, a stance famously used by Musashi. "Are you ready, Queen of the Lance?"

Scathach said nothing and went to her usual fighting stance. The two sparring partners gaze at each other eyes as if they're having a battle of mentality unseen by feeble eyes.

Ritsuka and Mash enter the room in a sprint, just in time to see his two servants staring at one another. "Scathach, Gudao—" He didn't get to finish his sentence as the two Servants lunge at each other.

It has started.

Blades and lance dance with one another as the masterpiece creations clashes. As if they're dancing the two fought with fluidity and elegance, no movement or footwork are wasted in their waltz of death. The audience observes in trance, as if mesmerized by their fight, none of them let out any sound as the spear and swords kiss.

"That's…" Musashi whispered in awe, "He's using the **Niten Ichi-Ryu** perfectly… As if he'd learned it his whole life." It's like she's watching herself fight.

"I think it's his Noble Phantasm." Ritsuka theorized, " **Jinrui no chōetsu-Teki senzai-ryoku** (Transcendent Potential of Mankind)."

A Noble Phantasm that allows him to use all of Humanities Noble Phantasm.

The dance of lance and blades stop as the two pushed each other off several feet. Scathach summon her other lances around her, their tips aiming straight to Saver. Her foe did not seem to be deterred, however, and he charged forward. The Queen of the Shadow Land let her lances fly towards her opponent who dodged and striked away the crimson lances with ease. Scathach summoned another spear, but this time she held it in her free hand the Lancer now holding a weapon in each hand.

It's one of Scathach technique, and even a certain fellow lance dual wielder would've agreed she's really good at what she does.

Gudao eyes narrowed at the sight and he reverses grip his blades. " **Rikudou Gorin-"**

Scatchach eyes widened as she sensed it—the massive amount of prana that Gudao is emitting. A Noble Phantasm?! Her instinct and guts screamed at her that whatever he's doing wouldn't be good for her health. She summoned more of her spears and let them fly towards Savior while she lunged backward—

"-Kurikara Tenshou-" A large spectral image of a god with three faces and six hands each hold a sword materialized above him. The spectral struck the lances away with one sword and the other strike down toward the Lancer.

Scathach used one of her runes to propel herself to the side to evade the strike that would've cut her in two. It was when the spectral suddenly disappeared before its blade even reach the ground that her instinct, honed by many battles, kicked in again.

He was not finished.

That one conclusion resounding in her head made her realize her mistake.

"- **Tsubame Gaeshi!"**

A white Swallow Bird. That's what her eyes saw.

 ***BOOM***

The sudden explosion surprised the audience, but what shocked them was the fact that both of them jumped out of the large black smoke and take another fighting stance several feet away from each other. Though both of them look relatively unharmed, their clothes took a pretty significant damage, especially Gudao that wore white.

"An explosive rune to deflect my attack… Your quick rune creation is really impressive, Miss Scathach." Gudao said with an amazed tone.

Scathach let out a small laugh, "Using two Noble Phantasms of different servants… A nice trick, Savior."

"Well, it failed so I must pay the price." The swords disappear from his hands in a soft light. "Plan B it is." A familiar crimson spear materializes in his right hand, one that Scathach of all people would've recognized anywhere. "Heroes of the Lance, lend me your strength."

"Gae Bolg." She whispered.

"Please do not take this as a mean of disrespect." Gudao said loudly, "But I will need its strength to defeat you."

Scathach just smile at the irony of it all, "Is that so?" She summoned another spear in her free hand—this one is similar to the one Gudao's holding, the cursed spear Gae Bolg. "Come then."

A burst of crimson prana suddenly exploded from Saver. " **Gae** -" She charges forward with a prana burst toward his opponent. "- **BOLG!** " He thrust forward

Scathach too focus her prana to her spears as she charges forward to meet her opponent. " **GAE BOLG-ALTERNATIVE!** "

Time stopped as the lances almost came close to contact. The curse of the spear would've blocked each other or they'll trade one heart with another, which will result in them both being killed at the same time. But dying and killing Scathach is not what he planned at all.

" **LORD CAMELOT!"**

A large familiar shield suddenly materialized between the two of them as Scathach lances hit the shield. Like a feeble spear trying to pierce a wall, they bounced off, canceling the Noble Phantasm Scathach activated. Gudao thank his high amount of luck too.

Now, for the coup de grace.

Gudao stab his lance to the ground, " **Kazikli Bey!** "

Crimson spikes sprout out from the ground around Scathach and would've pierced her too. But they stop at her skins, just barely touching them.

"… So this is how unfair your Noble Phantasm is, huh?" Scathach smile as she dematerializes her spears.

Gudao followed suit and dematerialized all of the Noble Phantasms. "Sorry." He apologized earnestly, "It just comes with the perk of being a Savior, I guess." If she survived this attack he would've surrendered. The Prana needed to constantly keep him using this much Noble Phantasm was not good for the health of his Master.

"Thank you for agreeing to fight me, Gudao."

"You're welcome. It's really fun." And a trip downs a memory lane for him.

"As a prize, I'll fulfill one of your wishes, whatever it is." Scathach suddenly said, "Sleep with you, being your girlfriend for one day, wearing erotic outfits, calling you 'Onii-chan', whatever it is I'll fulfill it."

…

…

…

"EEEEEHHH?!" The audience screamed.

Even Gudao seems to be taken aback, but he recovered quite quickly. "It's alright, you don't have to."

"You don't have to be shy. Come, tell me."

"No, seriously you don't have to do that."

The conversation went back and forth with Scathach insisting to him asking her to do something and Gudao insisting it is not needed.

It took an hour before Gudao decided to ask Scathach to go on a date with their Master, which she agreed quickly and wholeheartedly.

 **XXX**

Gudao sighed tiredly as he trails the empty hallway of Chaldea. Sparring with Scathach had taken quite a toll on his body and he would like nothing more than to rest on a bed and—

"Good fight, Sir Gudao."

Gudao snapped his head toward a familiar all mighty wizard standing next to the vending machine. He's a smile that always unnerved him whenever he sees it. He's planning something… "Thank you, Merlin."

"And asking Miss Scathach to go on a date with our Master… How kind." His smile grew wider, "Or should I say yourself?"

The Masked Servant stares at the wizard for a minute before sighing. "So you knew?"

"It took a while, but after studying you roaming around Chaldea with high familiarity as if you've been here before, and studying a sample of your hair I managed to come to the conclusion." He nodded his head, "My… Our esteemed Master becoming such a powerful Servant, how nice."

"I would like you to keep it a secret if you can, Merlin."

"Of course. It's boring if I tell everyone after all."

"Good." Gudao continues his walk toward his room, "I don't have to spread everyone about your secret hobby regarding the internet magical idol that Dr. Roman loved to watch."

Merlin smile freeze, "H… How did you…"

"I'm from the future remember?" Gudao smile behind his mask, "I know things."

 **FIN**

 **There! This is a story about how Servant Gudao would fight! The next DLC might contain someone you've been all waiting for!**

 **-Jinrui no chōetsu-teki senzai-ryoku** **(Transcendent Potential of Mankind): Gudao can access all skills that have been unlocked by humankind. As long as the skills are used by a 'human', and can be used by a 'human', or considered to be used by a 'human', then Gudao automatically have the ability to use it. Creatures/living beings that closely resemble a human and can be considered being one can be counted (such as Homunculi), however pure divine being and non-human (such as True Vampires) are not included. However this Noble Phantasm takes a lot of prana for constant uses, and a normal Master wouldn't be able to handle the prana necessary for the prolonged fight.**


End file.
